Tag: tim drake

When you’re only starting to realize just how particular your best friend is about everything…

Roy: Jason says he’s moving out of the safe house.

Damian: What did you do? Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?

Roy: No.

Tim: Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?

Roy: No.

Dick: Did you buy generic ketchup? Forget to rinse the sink? Talk to him through the bathroom door?

That one time Superboy cried because Robin wouldn’t accept his birthday present for him…

Kara [about Jon]: Well, Damian, you are his best friend. Friends give each other presents.

Damian: I accept your premise; I reject your conclusion.

Tim [to Kara]: *whispering* Try telling him it’s a non-optional social convention.

Kara: What?

Jason: Just do it.

Kara [to Damian]: It’s a… non-optional social convention.

Damian: Ah. Fair enough. *takes the gift and walks away*

Dick: *grins* He came with a manual.

Tim: *stress-eating his fifth Spudnut*

Tim: Now that I’m actually about to go out with Tam, I’m not excited, I’m nauseated.

Damian: Then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid, which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.

Dami, sweetie, you’re not helping.

When you and your brothers take the Batmobile out for a spin without permission and it breaks down in the middle of nowhere…

Nightwing: Come on, guys, push!

Red Hood: If I push any harder, I’m gonna give birth to my colon!

Robin: I can’t feel my fingers! Hurry up!

Red Robin: It’s the same amount of work no matter how fast you go! Basic physics!

Red Hood: Timmy, if my fingers ever work again, I’ve got a job for the middle one.

The last time Damian was ever allowed set foot inside the Red Robin Nest…

Damian: *scrutinizing a piece of equipment on display*

Damian: What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium-neon?

Tim: It would blow up!

Damian: Are you sure?

Tim: Pretty sure.

Damian: Pretty sure? That’s not very scientific. Is this how you normally work? Just hunches and guesses and stuff?

BEWARE The Robin…

Tim [about Damian]: Do you know what he did??? He watched me work for ten minutes and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me!

Dick: Is that even possible?

Tim: As it turns out, yes.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not take care of the flu-ridden Batbrat?

Red Hood: *stops his motorcycle in front of The Cheesecake Factory*

Red Hood: *sighs*

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Why didn’t you just have soup at home?

Damian: Todd, I have an IQ of 187. Pennyworth is on vacation. Don’t you imagine that if there were a way for me to have soup at home I would have thought of it?

Red Hood: You can have soup delivered.

Damian: *blows his nose*

Damian: I did not think of that.

Now, guess who lost the second round?

Tim: *tucks Damian in bed* Alright, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Damian: What else would I drink, Drake? Solids? Gases? Ionized plasma?

Tim: *drops a sleeping pill into Damian’s glass of milk*

Tim: *smiling with gritted teeth* Drink whatever you want.

Mornings at the Manor…

Damian: *walking past Tim’s bedroom*

Tim: *installing state-of-the-art surveillance cameras*

Damian: Drake, are you worried about your safety?

Tim: No. I imagine if you were going to kill me, you’d have done it a long time ago.

Damian: That’s very true.