On an overloaded plane over the Atlantic Ocean…
Nightwing: Hello? Time’s a bit of a factor here!
Red Hood: Tim, for the love of bats, man, jump!
Red Robin: Just throw out the kryptonite!
Red Hood: What?! No! I’m not telling Bruce I lost the original hundred pounds of –
Nightwing and Red Robin: Kilos!
Red Hood: Whatever unit of measurement – of kryptonite! Plus, all this kryptonite! Do you have any idea how pissed he’d be?
Nightwing: Well, the alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with alligators!
Red Hood: No. No, no, no. No. What if, um…
Red Robin: Jason! Alligators or Bruce!
Red Hood: What’s the difference?! They’re both cold-blooded prehistoric monsters!
Tag: tim drake
The Batboys discussing how to save Batman, who’s being held captive by Bane…
Red Hood: Don’t worry about me, I’m –
Nightwing: – not going on another stupid rampage!
Red Hood: Well, maybe a limited rampage.
Nightwing: No!
Red Hood: Modified limited rampage?
Red Robin: *runs hand through face in frustration* Jason.
Robin: *strapping on a variety of weapons and explosives on his body*
Robin: Don’t worry about our methods.
Red Robin: Oh, so suddenly you don’t have a death wish?
Red Hood: Timmy, I’ve never had a deathwish. It’s just that I don’t believe that I personally even can die. Again.
When your heavily sleep-deprived, case-obssessed brother hasn’t even changed his clothes in three days…
Jason: *loudly slurping a milkshake*
Tim: *pauses from typing on the Batcomputer*
Jason: *burps loudly*
Tim: *grits teeth* You know what I don’t have time for?
Jason: *wipes his mouth sloppily with the back of his hand* Shopping for clothes?
At a Batfamily mission briefing…
Red Robin [about a grounded Robin]: Why is he even in this briefing? He’s not allowed to go on missions!
Batman: Because he always stows away somehow.
When you wake up strapped to the back of your brother’s motorcycle after being infected by Scarecrow’s fear toxin…
Red Robin: Just curious. What happened between your safe house and right now?
Red Robin: Well, you were hysterical, Tim, so I thought the best thing to do would be to inject you with a tranquilizer, drive you to a private air field, put you on a stolen plane, fly you overnight to Gateway City, and then… that brings us to now.
The true story behind Tim’s “death” in Detective Comics #940…
Jacob: Putting aside why you’d want to fake your own death –
Tim: Because I have to get away from my family! They’re a seething cauldron of dysfunctional, chaotic, neurotic, narcissistic, quasi-incestuous megalomaniacs!
Red Robin: Please tell me that’s a smoke grenade.
Red Hood: Okay.
Red Hood: It’s not, though.
When you’re trying to get work done but your sons decide that the Batcave is the ideal place for a squabble…
Jason: Well, what’s the word for you, Tim? You freaked out when I said “replacement”!
Tim: Imagine that!
Jason: You imagine it!
Bruce: *slams his fist on the Batcomputer*
Bruce: Both of you! Imagine. Shutting. Up.
Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…
*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*
Henchman: *whimpers*
Red Robin: I think he gets it.
Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!
Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?
Henchman: Yes! Please!
Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –
Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –
Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –
Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.
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