Jason: Hey, brat, do you have to sit so close to the TV? Back up or it’ll hurt your eyes.
Damian: It will not.
Jason: *holding his fist up* Oh, yes, it will.
Damian: *slowly turns his head away from the TV to glare at his older brother*
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Narrator’s Voice: Oh, something hurt indeed. And someone learned a valuable lesson that afternoon.
Trying to get your brother to hang out with you and the guys be like…
Jason: Hey, Timbo, what are you doing tonight?
Tim: Sitting alone in my room.
Jason: *disappointed* Oh, man, if you’ve got plans already –
Damian: Todd! Todd! I had a bad dream. Can I sleep in your bed?
Jason: Nope.
Damian: I’ll give you one of Father’s newest batarangs!
Jason: Climb aboard.
Damian [on the Comm Link]: Todd, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Red Hood: *reloading his guns while hiding behind barrels as bullets whizz past him* Uh, isn’t this the kind of thing Alfred’s better at?
Damian: I called him. He’s not home. I also tried Father, Grayson, Drake, Brown, Thomas, and the Commissioner, Barbara’s father.
Red Hood: *twisting a criminal’s arm and throwing another across the wall* Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend, Roy!
Arsenal: *cupping his ear* Wha–? I’m sorry, Jaybird, I couldn’t hear you.
Red Hood: I said that you just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: *slowly walking away* Huh?
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: Dude, you’re going to have to speak up!
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend, Harper!
Arsenal: I’ve forced myself to wha– ?
Red Hood: *positively yelling* You just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: Jason, I’ll talk to you tomorrow!
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: Yeah, you can use it!
At Robin and Superboy’s ultra-high tech, ultra-pristine, ultra-secret tree safe house…
Red Hood: *bruised, tattered, dripping blood, and on the run from mercenaries*
Jon: *pleading eyes*
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: *rubs his face in exasperation*
Damian: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Red Hood: Wow. What’s the catch?
Jay, don’t push it. And, Dami, just because he tripped and bled all over the LEGO Death Star that took you and your best friend eighteen hours to assemble, it doesn’t mean that you should treat your older brother that way.
Jason:
Damian:
Jason: Ha, ha, ha.
Damian: What’s so funny, Todd?
Jason: I was just thinking about the time Timbo got his nose caught in the toaster.
Damian: We’ll watch the tape tonight.
Hey, how about helping your brother get some sleep, boys?
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *whistling while turning on the stove and beating eggs in a bowl*
Red Robin: *comes in through the kitchen window, bruised, tattered, and dripping blood*
Red Robin: Jay! I lost Damian! What am I going to do?!
Jason: Uhhhh. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. *looks around the kitchen in panic* Know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make you an omelet.
Red Robin: Just help me look for him!
Jason: Are you sure? I make ‘em with four kinds of cheese.
Batman: I’m talking about your potty mouth, Jaso –
Red Hood: What the #&@*!* are you talking about?!
When you’ve forgotten that you first met as itty bitty sidekicks…
Arsenal: You’re the Red Hood?
Red Hood: Yes.
Arsenal: You’re a weapons specialist?
Red Hood: Yes.
Arsenal: I’m a weapons specialist, too! So, are you better than me?
Red Hood: Well, I’ve never met you, but, yes.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 