Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes

When Batman grounds you for all the shenanigans you pulled with your super best friend…

Damian: You can’t keep Jon and me apart! I’ll… I’ll disobey!

Bruce: I’m also Jason Todd’s father. Do you think you’ve got any tricks I haven’t seen?

Bruce: *leaves room*

Damian: *climbs out of a third story window, slides down a tree, and lands in a wheelbarrow being pushed by Bruce*

Bruce: Hn. Jason Todd: Age 14.

Bruce: *drags Damian back into the Manor by the scruff of his Robin uniform*

Jason: *comes out of a hidden door in the tree*

Jason: Jason Todd: Age 19. Mwahahahaha!

And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…

Jason: *reading the newspaper*

Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen counter*

Damian [about Gotham Academy]: I can’t believe I have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.

Jason: Hey! Who taught you language like that?

Damian: A kid at school.

Jason: So you did learn something.

When you humor your 13-year-old League of Assassins-raised brother at his second chance at childhood…

Damian: *pretends to pour tea for Alfred the Cat, Batcow, Jerry the Turkey, Goliath, and Jason*

Jason: *facepalms* I don’t know why I agreed to this.

Damian: *glares* Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.

Jason: Oh, you’re right. *“sips”*

Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!

Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.

[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]

Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.

[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]

FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.

FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.

When you’re all of a sudden sentimental during a family barbecue…

Dick: *stares at the Manor’s facade while grilling*

Dick: Someday, when I’m old and wrinkly, perhaps I’ll go back and look fondly at this house.

Jason: *sips beer* Well, stop in and say hi to me because I’ll still be here chilling in my basement bachelor pad.

Tim: *tosses a frisbee back to Damian* Make sure to water my backyard grave.

Jason: As long as I can dig you up and stick you on the front porch every Halloween.

Tim: Just don’t dress me up as a woman.

Jason: We’ll see.

After watching a Batfamily home video clip of a half-asleep, coffee stain-covered Tim tumbling down the Manor stairs…

Damian: *smirks* They’re going to eat this up at Show and Tell.

Dick: Dames, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with the idea of your classmates laughing at our family’s private moments. How would you like it if, twenty years from now, people were laughing at things you did?

Damian: Not likely. Come on, have a sense of humor about yourself, Grayson.

Damian: *watches a clip of himself on the toilet angrily yelling “I’m a big boy, Todd!” while Jason runs away howling in laughter behind a shaky camera*

Damian: -Tt- I gotta find something else quick.