On “The Wayne Family TV Special”…
Interviewer: *asks about the family dynamic*
Jason: It’s what we do. We give each other a hard time.
Jason: Hey, Timmy! You look like a praying mantis.
Camera: *pans to Tim*
Tim: *typing on his laptop, with sunken red eyes and coffee-stained clothes*
Tim: *deadpan* That was very hurtful.
Why Bruce agreed to this, perhaps we’ll never know.
When your older brother’s starting to spend more time with his girlfriend than he does with you…
Damian [to Dick and Kori]: I’d like to say that I’m very happy that you’re back together, and if I can figure out a way to do so and sound sincere, I will.
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim: *sputters*
Tim: *spits out crushed… wings?*
Tim: You put moths in my coffee?!
Damian: For science.
Who needs TV when you’ve got family?
Dick: *brings in freshly popped popcorn from the kitchen*
Jason: *plumps up two beanbags on the floor*
Dick: *sinks into a beanbag* I love watching Tim and Damian try to work together.
Jason: *munching on popcorn* Yeah, it’s like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
When you pour your heart out to your little brother (because Alfred’s on a family-imposed vacation, Nightwing’s on a mission with the Titans, Red Hood’s Red Hood, and Batman’s… a little hard to get a hold of… emotionally)…
Tim: *eyes puffy and nose red from all the sobbing*
Damian:
Damian: Why on earth are you telling me all this, Drake?
Tim: *sighs*
Tim: Because sometimes your movements are so lifelike that I forget you’re not a real boy.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Maybe try Cass… ?
When you park your new muscle bike in Robin’s “play area” in the Batcave…
Damian: Why do you even want this here, Todd? Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose!
Jason: Considering its purpose was to piss you off, I’d say it’s spot on.
Batman: *growling* Are you asking me or telling me?
Criminal: *trembling* T- t- telling you?
Threatening the Bat? Never a good idea.
Why it’s hard to stay mad at your rebellious vigilante son after you call him out on his “reckless behavior”…
Red Hood: When you say “mistake”, do you mean a fortunate mistake? Like the discovery of penicillin?
Batman: Hrrrrn.
Helping your little brother prepare for his first school play be like…
Dick: Dami, we think we can help you with your stage fright.
Damian: Oh, I doubt that. I haven’t figured out a way, and I’m much smarter than all of you.
Tim: Yes, but you’re not smarter than all of us put together.
Damian: I’m sorry. That is what I meant.
When you open your safe house door and find your rain-drenched little brother standing there…
Damian: Todd, I believe you know why I’m here.
Jason: *yawns* I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
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