Tag: damian wayne

Damian [about Jon]: I need some candy for our first playdate, but I don’t want to come on too strong.

Jason: M&M’s?

Damian: Well, if I pick plain, he’ll think I’m cheap. And if I pick peanut, he may have an allergy. You just killed him, Todd!

Jason: *shrugs* How about Charleston Chew?

Damian: What is this, Brooklyn in the fifties? Don’t just say stuff.

Jason: You asked for my help, then you don’t want it.

Alfred: Excuse me, Master Damian, but why not consider an Almond Joy? It looks like you only brought something for yourself, but then you just happen to have two pieces.

Damian: Finally, a real suggestion!

Jason: *gets a piece of Almond Joy from the tray* If he doesn’t like coconut, you’re screwed.

When Batman grounds you for all the shenanigans you pulled with your super best friend…

Damian: You can’t keep Jon and me apart! I’ll… I’ll disobey!

Bruce: I’m also Jason Todd’s father. Do you think you’ve got any tricks I haven’t seen?

Bruce: *leaves room*

Damian: *climbs out of a third story window, slides down a tree, and lands in a wheelbarrow being pushed by Bruce*

Bruce: Hn. Jason Todd: Age 14.

Bruce: *drags Damian back into the Manor by the scruff of his Robin uniform*

Jason: *comes out of a hidden door in the tree*

Jason: Jason Todd: Age 19. Mwahahahaha!

And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…

Jason: *reading the newspaper*

Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen counter*

Damian [about Gotham Academy]: I can’t believe I have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.

Jason: Hey! Who taught you language like that?

Damian: A kid at school.

Jason: So you did learn something.

When you humor your 13-year-old League of Assassins-raised brother at his second chance at childhood…

Damian: *pretends to pour tea for Alfred the Cat, Batcow, Jerry the Turkey, Goliath, and Jason*

Jason: *facepalms* I don’t know why I agreed to this.

Damian: *glares* Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.

Jason: Oh, you’re right. *“sips”*

Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!

Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.

[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]

Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.

[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]

FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.

FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.

When you’re all of a sudden sentimental during a family barbecue…

Dick: *stares at the Manor’s facade while grilling*

Dick: Someday, when I’m old and wrinkly, perhaps I’ll go back and look fondly at this house.

Jason: *sips beer* Well, stop in and say hi to me because I’ll still be here chilling in my basement bachelor pad.

Tim: *tosses a frisbee back to Damian* Make sure to water my backyard grave.

Jason: As long as I can dig you up and stick you on the front porch every Halloween.

Tim: Just don’t dress me up as a woman.

Jason: We’ll see.