Justifying why Tim’s hanging upside down, fast asleep, from the Batcave ceiling….
Jason: Bruce, try to understand. There are two kinds of Robins: jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
You sure Tim’s the only “nerd”, Jay?
Batman: *narrows eyes* Now, what are you up to?
Red Hood: Whatever happened to “hi”?
Batman: Hi. Now, what are you up to?
Trying to make up for lost time with your bitter back-from-the-dead son be like…
Bruce: Remember when I used to push you on the swing?
Jason: I was faking it.
Bruce: Hn. Liar.
Jason: Oh, yeah? Remember this? “Higher, Bruce! Higher! Whee! Whee! Push harder, Bruce!”
Jason: Hey, Alfred, where’s Bruce?
Alfred: Master Bruce is… resting.
Jason: Resting “brooding? Resting “shot through the timestream by Omega Beams”? Come on, help me out here.
Jason: Bruce, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Bruce: *narrows eyes* What conversation?
Jason: *plays recording*
Jason: *on the recording* Bruce, can Roy live in our garage for as long as he wants?
Jason: *mimics Bruce’s voice* He sure can!
Dick: Bruce! What were you thinking?
Bruce: Hn. That’s not my voice.
Jason: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
While the rest of the Justice League drink their coffee…
Batman: It’s a brain and nerve tonic, full of proteins and electromagnetic juices. *offers cup to Hal*
Green Lantern: *takes a sip* Wow! It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everybody’s invited!
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
When your billionaire father’s also a vigilante who doesn’t have time to ponder how much gifts for teenagers cost…
Tim: Bruce, um, can I have some money to buy Damian a birthday present?
Bruce: Here you go.
Tim: *counts the money* Bruce, this is $110!
Bruce: Oh, sorry. *hands him the whole wallet*
Tim: *cleaning his Ducati*
Damian: *footsteps*
Bruce: *without turning away from the Batcomputer* Damian, don’t use the Touch of Death on your brother.
When your father decides that it’s time for you to be a responsible adult vigilante and earn money for your own “toys”…
Batman: So maybe a part-time job is the answer.
Red Hood: Aw, Bruce, I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’re already running Wayne Enterprises, and Damian is such a handful –
Red Robin: He means you should get a job, stupid.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 