Living in Gotham City be like…
Civilian [to reporter, about the Batman]: He’s the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who’s ever driven through my living room.
Tag: bruce wayne
Bruce: Jason, one day you’re going to be a great father.
Jason: Aw. And someday you’ll be one, too.
When you have occasional alliances with rogues with doctorates…
Harley Quinn: First of all, Bats, let me assure ya that Jason’s antics are perfectly normal for a sixteen-year-old (who, ya know, came back from the dead).
Batman: Actually, he’s nineteen, Harleen.
Harley Quinn: Oh, dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
Raising a Robin…
Bruce: Alfred, Jason’s having girl troubles. You’d better go talk to him.
Alfred: It’s clown troubles, Sir. That’s your responsibility.
Bruce: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and “dying pets”?
Alfred: Yes. Well, we’re adding clowns.
Bruce: Hn. Fine. But you just bought yourself “ear piercing” and “strange new feelings”.
Alfred [about Damian’s piano recital]: Master Bruce, you have to be there! You’ve missed much too many precious moments in the children’s lives.
Bruce: What? Name twelve.
When Batman grounds you for all the shenanigans you pulled with your super best friend…
Damian: You can’t keep Jon and me apart! I’ll… I’ll disobey!
Bruce: I’m also Jason Todd’s father. Do you think you’ve got any tricks I haven’t seen?
Bruce: *leaves room*
Damian: *climbs out of a third story window, slides down a tree, and lands in a wheelbarrow being pushed by Bruce*
Bruce: Hn. Jason Todd: Age 14.
Bruce: *drags Damian back into the Manor by the scruff of his Robin uniform*
Jason: *comes out of a hidden door in the tree*
Jason: Jason Todd: Age 19. Mwahahahaha!
When Batman refuses to let you have a conventional cell phone due to “security reasons”…
Damian: Father, even Kent has a cell phone. Your son is lamer than Superboy! What does that say about you?
Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!
Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]
Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.
[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]
FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
Hal: I’m so happy I could hug you!
Bruce: Hn. And have me smell like cheap drug store cologne for the rest of the day? You may hug my shadow.
Old, old, old and still as stubborn as ever…
Dick: Bruce, you shouldn’t wear glasses that weren’t prescribed for you.
Bruce: Dick, just because you’re ten feet tall, it doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do.
Tim: I’m Tim.
Dick: Gimme those!
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 