Trying to get through to your rebellious son be like…
Batman: Jason. I thought we might have a bit of a sit-down.
Red Hood: I prefer a bit of a “piss off”.
Tag: bruce wayne
Batman: Jordan, you’re supposed to make this team look respectable.
Green Lantern: *saluting* Yes, sir, Captain Tight Pants!
Dick and Jason: *watching wide-eyed as Damian argues with Bruce*
Tim: *deadpan* So, he’s added cussing and hurling things to his repertoire. He really is a child prodigy.
Nightwing: *storms out of the Batcave*
Nightwing: He thinks he’s bulletproof!
Alfred: No, Master Dick, but he wants them to think that he is.
Batman: I don’t pull rank, Lantern. I have rank.
Because it’s canon that Batman keeps journals (and that he’s deeply in love)…
Clark: The part where you and Selina met. It’s right out of a twisted, vigilante rom-com.
Bruce: Yes. I believe they call it a “meet cute”.
Riding the Batmobile for the first time be like…
Tim [to Bruce]: *wiping vomit off his mouth* There are two things on this Earth that I’m thankful for right now: that you cannot read my mind and this seat belt right here.
Lip-reading your adoptive father’s phone conversations with colleagues be like…
Nightwing: Bruce’s mouth hasn’t moved in three and a half minutes.
Red Hood: *shrugs* Maybe Hal’s got him on hold.
Red Robin: No, no. His nostrils are flaring, he’s pacing like a maniac, and he just switched his phone from his right hand to his left hand like he wants to punch someone.
Very few beings in the Multiverse can make Batman lose his cool like a Green Lantern can.
Green Lantern: Am I supposed to hug you?
Batman: Don’t even think about it, or the next crime scene we investigate will be your own.
At a Justice League mission briefing…
Batman: Any questions?
Red Hood: *yelling from the back* Why’re you such a poopy head?
Red Robin [whispering to Superboy]: That’s why he gets timeouts.
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