Tag: bruce wayne

Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*

Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*

Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*

Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine* 

Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*

Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*

Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*

Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*

Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*

Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*

Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.

Alfred: *grins and walks away*

Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*

Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*

When your adoptive father reprimands you for blowing up yet another hometown monument…

Red Hood [to Batman]: Look, am I proud of it? Yes, because Gotham City sucks. Is it the classiest move? Yes, because Gotham City sucks. Would I do it again? Yes, because Gotham City sucks.

But you know you love it anyway, Jay.   

Sending your son (when your other sons are unavailable) on a mission be like…

Red Hood: *yelling as his motorcyle speeds out of the Batcave* This will be blown way out of proportion! You have my word on that, Bruce!

Batman: *facepalms*

When the success of your first mission with the Justice League’s got you so hyped up that you can’t help but hug the colleague standing next to you…

Batman: *body stiffens*

Green Lantern: Oh, uh…

Batman: *loudly clears throat*

Green Lantern: *slowly lets go and steps back*

Green Lantern: Sir, I formally retract my hug. *offers to shake hands with a sheepish grin*

Don’t worry, Baz. It’s not you.

When your best friend asks you if you’d want to get away from crimefighting in the city for a while and just hang out at his farm…

Superman: So… ?

Batman: *stares off into the distance*

Superman: Um, Bruce… ?

Batman: *breathes in the air like he’s smelling fresh flowers*

Batman: Spending the day far away sounds like a dream, Clark. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by my children trying to kill each other.

There’s always that one son during fancy dinners at luxurious Gotham City restaurants…

Jason [to waiter]: I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.

Bruce: *groans*

Introducing himself to other superheroes be like…

Batman: Hi. My name is Batman. I am Superman’s work-proximity associate.

In which Clark gives him a side-glare. “What he meant to say was best friend and closest confidante.”

Mornings at the Manor…

Bruce: *drinking coffee, watching as his children gather in a small circle in the kitchen*

Tim: So, hands in.

Jason, Steph, Duke: *put their hands one on top of the other over Tim’s*

Tim: Defeat that little brat Damian on three! 1, 2, 3!

Bruce: *spits out coffee*

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

You kids just couldn’t at least let your father finish his coffee in peace, could you?