Tag: bruce wayne

When Alfred’s away on vacation and you’ve got to do the grocery shopping yourself…

Bruce [to clerk]: I would like twelve eggs…

Bruce: *tries to read Dick’s smudged handwriting on his palm* … and part of a dead animal. Dealer’s choice. Please and thank you. 

Training sessions at the Batcave be like…

Batman: *powers off the villain generator*

Batman: *watches as his sons get up from the various places they ended up in, dust off their bloody and singed suits, and groan in pain*

Batman: …

Batman: Well, this simulated disaster is a total disaster.

Alfred: *goes upstairs to grab some tea and medical supplies*   

And it’s this familiarity with homemade disasters that makes the Robins experts on the field.

Green Lantern: Mr. Wayne, I want to do things the Batman way.

Batman: Wonderful. First rule. No conversation lasts longer than a hundred words. You have used ten. I just used nineteen.

Batman: *walks away*

There, there, Simon. It’s not you. He’s just had quite a history with Earth Lanterns.

Batman/Superman: Teenage AU…

Superteen: Before I save the world, you have to spend the week doing everything I say.

Bat-teen: So, what, I have to be your slave or something?

Superteen: No. You have to be my friend, Bruce.

Bat-teen: Ugh. That’s so much worse.

Red Robin: *crouching behind the giant coin in the Batcave*

Nightwing: *walks in*

Red Robin: *to his walkie-talkie* The Hug Machine is here. I repeat, the Hug Machine is here. Smiling on all cylinders.

The rest of the Batfamily: *temporarily stop brooding to find hiding places*  

Dick tends to get in the way of angst and sadness.