How Red Robin survives gunshots…
Jason: Timbo, you wear Kevlar every single time we go to Coast City.
Tim: Because every time you shoot me.
Jason: Whoa, whoa, whoa, not every time. Hm, like, three out of four, tops.
Jason: *ruffles Tim’s hair* You big baby.
Tag: big brother of the year
Red Hood: Oh, come on, how long are you guys gonna stay mad at me?
Red Robin: What, for getting us all arrested for smuggling weapons into Blüdhaven?
Robin: Probably the rest of our damn lives.
When your heavily sleep-deprived, case-obssessed brother hasn’t even changed his clothes in three days…
Jason: *loudly slurping a milkshake*
Tim: *pauses from typing on the Batcomputer*
Jason: *burps loudly*
Tim: *grits teeth* You know what I don’t have time for?
Jason: *wipes his mouth sloppily with the back of his hand* Shopping for clothes?
When you wake up strapped to the back of your brother’s motorcycle after being infected by Scarecrow’s fear toxin…
Red Robin: Just curious. What happened between your safe house and right now?
Red Robin: Well, you were hysterical, Tim, so I thought the best thing to do would be to inject you with a tranquilizer, drive you to a private air field, put you on a stolen plane, fly you overnight to Gateway City, and then… that brings us to now.
When you’ve gotta go rescue your eldest brother…
Red Hood: Well, I guess that settles that! I mean, it’s not like we can just waltz into enemy territory and… Well, I certainly can’t.
Robin: Can’t? Or won’t?
Red Hood: Both, either, all! They’d shoot me on sight, Little D.
Red Hood: And if you want Big D so damn bad, you can go get him your–
* sound of Batmobile tires screeching *
Red Hood: Huh. I didn’t think he’d actually do it.
—
Really, Jay? You thought Dami was beyond doing something like that?
Red Robin: Please tell me that’s a smoke grenade.
Red Hood: Okay.
Red Hood: It’s not, though.
When you’re trying to get work done but your sons decide that the Batcave is the ideal place for a squabble…
Jason: Well, what’s the word for you, Tim? You freaked out when I said “replacement”!
Tim: Imagine that!
Jason: You imagine it!
Bruce: *slams his fist on the Batcomputer*
Bruce: Both of you! Imagine. Shutting. Up.
When your little brother’s leaving for boarding school and you won’t be seeing him for a while…
Jason: Little D…
Damian: Yes?
Jason: I’m gonna miss you, kid.
Damian: Of course you are.
Jason: *slams limousine door shut*
Jason: *dusts off hands* Well, he just made that easier.
Damian: How do I know that you’re not manipulating me right now?
Jason: I think if I were manipulating you, you’d be smart enough to see it.
Damian: How do I know you’re not saying that as part of the manipulation?
And on and on (and on and on) their conversation went, until Jason was convinced that it’d be last time he’d ever try anything like this on the blood son of the World’s Greatest Detective.
Infiltrating a top secret government facility…
Red Hood: Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
Robin: Grayson told me to stay.
Red Hood: Oh.
Red Hood: *pats his head* Well, good boy.
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