Asking your brother to be one of the Best Men at your wedding be like…
Jason [to Dick/Tim/Damian]: So, I get to put on a suit and talk about how great you are? I was hoping to avoid that until your funeral.
Assuming Tim and Damian ever reach adulthood in the mainstream DC continuity, that is.
When Red Hood met Superboy…
Tim: *standing in between Jason and Conner* I won’t allow you to hurt my best friend!
Jason: Calm down! You finally found a friend. Do not screw it up.
Dick and Jason: *watching Tim on his 46th hour in a row working on the Batcomputer*
Jason: Is he prone to mental breakdowns?
Dick: Prone? No. Eligible? Certainly.
Tim [about Tam]: She broke up with her ex-boyfriend. She said she didn’t want to go backwards.
Jason: In what multiverse is dating you not going backwards?
Tim: I know. This guy must be all kinds of messed up.
On Red Hood’s reputation as a violent hothead…
Dick: Jason may be prickly and crusty on the outside, but inside he’s all soft and gooey… Kind of like a pudding-filled cactus.
Way to sully his reputation, Richard.
Partying at the Manor while Batman’s away on an interplanetary Justice League mission be like…
Tim: *wiping vomit off his face*
Tim: I’m never gonna drink again.
Jason: Quitter.
Dick: Jason!
Jason: Oh, right. *slaps Tim on the back* Atta boy!
When you realize that your brother is in need of some serious help…
Jason: *reading from a self-help book that Harley Quinn gave him*
Jason: “You’re angry and resentful. But what you need to understand is that resentment is the mortar that holds the bricks of loneliness together in a wall of alienation and despair”. Chapter 3, “Knocking Down the Wall”.
Tim: Bite me. That’s Chapter 1 in my forthcoming book entitled, “Bite Me”. Chapter 2 is called “Kiss My Pale White Ass”.
Tim: *drinks his seventh espresso shot*
Rescuing your little brother be like…
Red Hood: *lock-picks a chain binding Damian, who’s hanging upside down and is slowly being lowered into a pool of piranhas*
Red Hood: Just remember that I’m doing you a favor, kid.
Robin: -Tt-
Red Hood: Don’t forget it in a few years when I ask you to change my diapers.
Robin: Okay, Todd! Wait, what?
And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…
Dick: *baking cookies (Alfred’s recipe)*
Jason: *playing with Titus*
Damian: *arrives from Gotham High*
Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen island*
Dick: …
Jason: …
Damian: *takes a seat on a stool, buries his face in his hands, and groans*
Dick: Soooo… How’s school?
Damian: *muffled* Okay.
Dick: Anything noteworthy happen?
Damian: *muffled* No.
Jason: *throws his hands up in the air* I thought you said he got dumped!
Dick: *through gritted teeth* I was easing into it.
Jason: Oh. Okay, go ahead.
It’s a tie!
When you find out that your brother’s developed a crush…
Jason: *shrugs* She is kind of cute.
Dick: Why don’t you go talk to her?
Jason: I don’t know what to say.
Dick: That’s never stopped you from runnin’ your mouth before.
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