Why no one likes playing chess with Bruce Wayne…
Supercomputer: *makes a move*
Batman: Now I’m stumped.
Supercomputer: 😏
Batman: There are three ways that I can beat you, but I don’t know which one to use.
Supercomputer: 😳
Batman: You know what? I’ll use the pawn. They never get to be the hero.
Supercomputer: 😤
Batman: *trips over the Lasso of Truth*
Batman: I suppose I like hanging around you guys. I don’t know why.
Superman: Thank you?
Wonder Woman: I’m not sure that was a compliment.
Selina: *creeping behind a sculpture inside the Wayne Manor, eavesdropping*
Bruce: Now, Dick, what a woman wants, really wants, is for you to listen, truly hear what is troubling her –
Selina: Not half-bad advice –
Bruce: And then you can quickly solve that problem for her and move on to something more interesting –
Selina: *rolls her eyes* Back to normal.
Security alarm at the Titans Tower: INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!
Impulse: *runs out of the conference room*
Impulse: *runs back into the conference room half a second later*
Impulse: *panting* I saw a freaky, terrifying man!
Robin: *not looking up from what he’s reading* That’s just Batman.
Nightwing: Are you ready to take one for the family?
Red Hood: I’ve already made myself absolutely clear that I’m not a part of this family.
Red Hood: … But fine.
Dick: Hey, Jay, a penny for your thoughts?
Jason: How about a dime to leave me alone?
Batman: I just have to calm down and figure this out.
Superman: …
Superman: On your own? While you’re bleeding to death?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He’s a big boy, Clark.
When one of Batman’s sons is brought in for questioning…
Commisioner Gordon: Are the cuffs really neccessary?
GCPD Officer: He broke both of Officer Wu’s arms, Sir –
Gordon: He what?!
Officer: – while shouting, “Wooo”.
Red Hood: Happy coincidence.
Gordon: Mr. Hood, do we have to sedate you?
Red Hood: Well, I wouldn’t say no to a drink.
What Batman’s day is really like…
Dick: *watching on as one of his brothers does something*
Dick: Bruce? Did you just see – ?
Bruce: Yes. I’ll deal with that tomorrow.
Mission on a remote island…
Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!
Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!
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