When Batman tries to be a “fun dad”…
Bruce: I just booked us a little fishing trip.
Jason: Why, what did I do?
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When asked what it was like being a teenaged vigilante…
Red Robin: Is there a word that means both complete self-satisfaction and complete self-loathing?
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *scouring cabinets for the last box of Lucky Charms*
Jason: *sipping tea*
Tim: *working on his laptop, half a waffle hanging from his mouth*
Damian: *enters the kitchen looking solemn*
Damian: Drake. I need you to teach me how to be… a douchebag.
Dick and Jason:
Tim:
Tim: Let’s get started.
Tim and Damian: *walk out of the kitchen*
Jason: What is happening in the world?
When Wally met Dick…
Robin: *wearing a green scaly leotard*
Kid Flash: What am I looking at here, Robin? Hero to hero, didn’t you want to wear something a little more form-flattering? Like a pile of towels?
Dick: Tim, I have to ask you a favor. It’s about my clothes…
Jason: *from his bedroom across the hall* Burn them! Burn them all!
When your super best friend could give Saran wrap a lesson…
Batman: *ignores vibrations coming from his pocket*
Wonder Woman: How many times a day does Clark text you?
Batman: Hrrrn.
Batman: Just… 40.
When your son’s pretty chummy with “Fun Uncle Supes”…
Bruce [to Dick]: Clark is inviting you to lunch at the Fortress.
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: The good thing is, I get to come, too.
Timothy Jackson Drake, a saga…
Batman: Robin. Are you sleeping while on patrol?
Robin: Uh, uh… No! There’s, uh… a… bug in my eye and I’m trying to suffocate it.
Imagine: Jason, to a bartender. (Or, alternatively, Red Hood, to a bound and gagged criminal sweating out of fear.)
Running a few errands before meeting up with his brothers on Family Patrol Night…
Red Hood: *slaps $1000 on the counter* I need an Advil, a roll of duct tape, a pack of peanuts, and four beers.
Store clerk: *blinks*
The duct tape is to tie up Batman so the boys can do what they want.
The Advil is for the pain after being punched by Batman while subduing him.
The beer is to get him uninhibited so he won’t realize how bad of an idea to try to subdue Batman is.
And the peanuts are for Alfred, the reason why he was actually sent to the store
Sounds legit.
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