Tag: tim drake

Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…

*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*

Henchman: *whimpers*

Red Robin: I think he gets it.

Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!

Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?

Henchman: Yes! Please!

Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –

Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –

Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –

Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.

How Red Robin survives gunshots…

Jason: Timbo, you wear Kevlar every single time we go to Coast City.

Tim: Because every time you shoot me.

Jason: Whoa, whoa, whoa, not every time. Hm, like, three out of four, tops.

Jason: *ruffles Tim’s hair* You big baby.

On an overloaded plane over the Atlantic Ocean…

Nightwing: Hello? Time’s a bit of a factor here!

Red Hood: Tim, for the love of bats, man, jump!

Red Robin: Just throw out the kryptonite!

Red Hood: What?! No! I’m not telling Bruce I lost the original hundred pounds of –

Nightwing and Red Robin: Kilos!

Red Hood: Whatever unit of measurement – of kryptonite! Plus, all this kryptonite! Do you have any idea how pissed he’d be?

Nightwing: Well, the alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with alligators!

Red Hood: No. No, no, no. No. What if, um…

Red Robin: Jason! Alligators or Bruce!

Red Hood: What’s the difference?! They’re both cold-blooded prehistoric monsters!

Stranded in a swamp…

Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?

Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.

Red Robin: The…?

Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –

Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪

Robin: Damn it, Grayson!

Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪

Red Hood: Keep your voice down!

Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!

Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!

Undercover mission at a restaurant…

Jason: Let’s go Ti – Thomas, c’mon! Chop, chop.

Tim: You’re the one who dropped it! Why do I have to clean it up?

Jason: Because you’re the garçon de cuisine, which means kitchen boy, whereas I am the sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.

Tim: And why do you get to be sous chef?

* Flashback to Jason and Roy eating out in France while staking out a tech criminal during their Red Hood/Arsenal days *

Jason: Because I have fine dining experience!

When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…

Red Robin: What.

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.

Red Robin: Wow.

Red Hood: Yeah.

Red Robin: No.

Red Hood: Yes!

Red Robin: No!

Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!

Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…

Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…

Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…

Robin: *sinister laughter*

Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!

Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –

Nightwing: Noop.

Red Hood: – need you to –

Nightwing: Noop.

Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!

Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*

Breaking into a top secret facility…

Red Hood: *making snarky comments as they sneak past every guard*

Red Robin: Wait, here’s an idea: You talk louder, and maybe they’ll just come to us.

Red Hood: We’d lose the element of surprise, Timbo.

Red Robin: That was sarcasm!

Red Hood: No way, really? Because so was that, just now!