(Finally) Visiting your older brother’s Blüdhaven apartment after he begs you for the nth time…
Jason: *listening for Dick’s movements in the kitchen*
Jason [to Tim and Damian]: *whispering* Look, if we don’t leave now, he’ll use food and guilt to keep us here for the rest of our lives.
When your boyfriend returns from a successful month-long mission with the League of Assassins and tries to make up for the lack of communication…
Tim [to Tam]: Well, this time it’s going to be different because I’m like a romance ninja. *kicks the air*
Tim: You won’t see me coming, and then bam! Romance! Watch out! *grabs her by the waist*
Tim: Hearts, kisses, love! Ewww waaaaah! *gently pins her to the floor and kisses her cheek*
When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…
Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –
Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*
Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*
Tim: *wakes up*
Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*
Bruce: *freezes up*
Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*
Married Red Robin be like…
Tam: Is having a real-life wife who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Dick:
Jason:
Cass:
Damian:
Conner:
Tim: A little bit, yeah.
How she wins him over later that night…
Tam: *wearing a Robin domino mask* Molecules.
Tim: *grabs her by the hand* Okay, come with me.
Tam: Where are we going?
Tim: To our bedroom.
Tim: So I can take everything off but that mask.
Tim: And maybe those green spandex shorts.
Steph: Damn. You have more make-up than I do. You’ve got better make-up than I do. Yep, I’m borrowing this.
Tim: *pushes her grabby hands away* Hey, hey, hey. This is my patrol make-up. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn’t share with his girlfriend.
Married Red Robin be like…
Tam: Is having a real-life wife who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Dick:
Jason:
Cass:
Damian:
Conner:
Tim: A little bit, yeah.
Fighting for territory in the Batcave be like…
Red Robin: Meanwhile, you still don’t have a vehicle! *gestures to the Redbird*
Robin: Don’t try to change the subject, Drake! This is about a parking space! It has nothing to do with vehicles!
Batman: *groans*
Tim: *equipping Goliath’s cage with a retinal scan and a handprint-protected lock, security cameras, and a motion-activated forcefield*
Tim: You do realize I’m doing this for free, right?
Damian: Yes, and so far I’m still not getting my money’s worth.
Tim: Wow. Dick’s pissed off and Jason was right. What a weird day.
Tam: *gets off the phone*
Red Robin: *perched on her window sill* Who were you talking to?
Tam: Just this guy I met at school.
Red Robin: We’re still dating, right?
Stop pretending you didn’t wiretap that conversation, Timmy.
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