Stranded in a swamp…
Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.
Red Robin: The…?
Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –
Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪
Robin: Damn it, Grayson!
Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪
Red Hood: Keep your voice down!
Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!
Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!
Tag: jason todd
Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…
*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*
Henchman: *whimpers*
Red Robin: I think he gets it.
Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!
Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?
Henchman: Yes! Please!
Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –
Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –
Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –
Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.
Red Hood: *covering Bizarro’s mouth* If you stay really, really quiet, I will buy you a puppy.
Red Hood: That you will probably accidentally strangle.
Jason: And seriously, Timbo, sorry for what I said.
Tim:
Jason:
Tim:
Jason: Then that’s where you say –
Tim: *punches Jason in the face*
After being infected with Scarecrow’s fear toxin…
Red Hood [on the Comm Link with Batman and Alfred]: I didn’t run away from home! I’m a grown man! Whose 15-year-old self was murdered in front of his very eyes! So excuse me for needing some time to grieve!
Dick: *won’t stop making puns during family dinner*
Jason: *puts his utensils down, wipes his mouth with a napkin, sighs, and looks his older brother in the eye*
Jason: Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.
Mission briefing…
Red Robin: Understood?
Nightwing: *double thumbs up*
Robin: *salutes*
Red Hood: *turns off Spotify streaming in his helmet*
Red Hood: Okay, I’m just nodding here and pretending like I have some idea of what you’re talking about.
Nightwing: You’re brilliant!
Red Hood: Of course I am! Why is everyone always surprised by that?
Red Robin: Jason, what are you doing here?
Red Hood: What are you doing here?
Red Robin: I don’t know. Following you to a bad part of town and saving your life. You know, the usual. Your turn.
At the safe house…
Doorbell: *buzzes*
Jason: *sighs* It’s Morse code. It’s Damian.
Roy: How do you know?
Jason: Because the doorbell just said, “It’s me, morons”.
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