Tag: jason todd

Why Batman got the ol’ silent treatment during patrol that night…

Four hours ago, at a Wayne Foundation gala…

Senator: You have wonderful sons, Mr. Wayne.

Bruce: Yes, I do. But Dick, Tim, and Damian must never learn of them.

Senator and Bruce: *pompous laughter*

Dick, Tim, and Damian: …

Batman:

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

Batman: I’m –

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *grapple-hook away*

Lighten up, boys. It was just one glass of champagne too many.

Also, Jason’s legally dead, so he’s like, “Meh”.

Partying at the Manor while Batman’s away on an interplanetary Justice League mission be like…

Tim: *wiping vomit off his face*

Tim: I’m never gonna drink again.

Jason: Quitter.

Dick: Jason!

Jason: Oh, right. *slaps Tim on the back* Atta boy!

Mornings at the Manor…

Jason: *cooking*

Bruce: *reading the Gotham Gazette*

Dick: *balancing a pile of saucers on his index finger*

Tim: *fast asleep and drooling on the kitchen table*

Damian: *feeding Titus*

Alfred: *picks up the recipe book Jason’s using*

Alfred: “Cooking for Dummies”, Master Jason?

Jason: No offense, Timbo! I’m actually cooking for everybody.

“How to Get Kicked Out of the Safe House” by Roy Harper…

Roy: *approaches Jason’s bed at 2 AM*

Jason: You’re wearing pajama bottoms, right?

Roy: Shh…

Jason: Exactly how drunk are you?!

Roy: *spoons Jason*

Roy: Both questions asked and answered.

When you realize that your brother is in need of some serious help…

Jason: *reading from a self-help book that Harley Quinn gave him*

Jason: “You’re angry and resentful. But what you need to understand is that resentment is the mortar that holds the bricks of loneliness together in a wall of alienation and despair”. Chapter 3, “Knocking Down the Wall”.

Tim: Bite me. That’s Chapter 1 in my forthcoming book entitled, “Bite Me”. Chapter 2 is called “Kiss My Pale White Ass”.

Tim: *drinks his seventh espresso shot*

Telling a shrink about your recurring dreams during your stint at Arkham Asylum be like…

Harley: This man ya keep seein’ is a father figure.

Jason: “A father figure”? I said he’s warm, nurturing, and supportive. The words “toxic Bat-douche” did not pass my lips.

Roy: Is this lifestyle actually making you happy?

Jason: Let me answer that question with another question: Who would you rather be, you or me?

Roy: You’re kidding, right? You have two black eyes, and you’re perched on a scrotum cozy…

Roy: You.