When Batman asks if one of you could hack into a supervillain’s mainframe computer while he’s on an off-planet mission…
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: I don’t know what to do. You’re normally the person in charge of these situations.
Red Robin: Well, not while I’m hanging off a train!
*shrugs* Try Robin?
Red Hood: *struggling to disarm motion-triggered, exploding handcuffs with a lock-pick*
Red Robin: *swiftly removes his handcuffs once the henchman leaves the room and starts working on Jason’s*
Red Hood: What th-
Red Robin: Remember when you called me a “nerd” before? Get ready to apologize.
Robin: Todd, thank you for saving my life out there today.
Red Hood: Little D, are we becoming friends?
Robin: Now you ruined it!
Damian: *blocking the entrance to Wayne Manor* Todd, you are no longer part of this family.
Red Hood: But I lived here.
Damian: So did a possum in the rafters.
When your adoptive son gets insecure…
Bruce: Dick, I wasn’t prepared to raise a kid like you. There’s no manual on how to raise a child who just lost both his parents. If there were, I would have read it a hundred times, cover-to-cover, because I loved you from the moment you stepped into the Manor. I just didn’t know how to show you.
… So you just encouraged him to fight crime alongside you? (Also, be careful, Batman. Declarations of love to Nightwing earn you the biggest tackle-hugs.)
If there was a manual there would’ve been no batman because Alfred would’ve read that FUCKING BOOK FOR INSIGHT
And Alfred’s like, “Fret not, Master Bruce. I wrote one as you were growing up”, then drops a six-inch-thick journal by the Batcomputer. A second volume includes his time with Dick, Jason, and Tim, and a third (and special) one, with Damian.
Jason: Hey, remember your disgusting habit?
Roy: Which one? I’m going to need you to elaborate.
When Batman tells you to re-evaluate your life decisions and keep an open mind…
Red Hood: My mind is so open that a lot of bad thoughts are coming in!
When you finally go on a date with that mysterious hottie you met on Tinder…
You: *batting eyelashes* Just tell me a story from your life that highlights your unique personality.
Jason: I once spent a year without touching a door knob.
Until his younger brother broke him out of wherever he was at the time using an override code that expired at midnight.
After giving Batman a status update…
Nightwing [on the Comm Link]: I’d take my comms out, too, if I were you. He sounded mad.
Red Hood: *click*
Red Robin: *click*
Robin: -Tt- *click*
Wow. You boys didn’t even give it a second thought.
Mission debriefing…
Batman: *scrolling through the previous night’s news headlines on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin:
Batman: *sighs*
Red Hood: What could we do? It’s not like we could just walk into a criminal enterprise and start looking around.
Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin: *erupt in obnoxious laughter*
Keep your father’s white hairs coming, boys. Keep ‘em coming.
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