When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…
Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –
Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*
Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*
Tim: *wakes up*
Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*
Bruce: *freezes up*
Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*
Tag: jason todd
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *holding Robin by the scruff of the neck* Hey, if you want, you can babysit this brat and I’ll go with Zsasz to the GCPD.
Red Hood: *walking towards the bound and gagged criminal* No. No, thank you. Bring on the ex-con.
Why Batman got the ol’ silent treatment during patrol that night…
Four hours ago, at a Wayne Foundation gala…
Senator: You have wonderful sons, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce: Yes, I do. But Dick, Tim, and Damian must never learn of them.
Senator and Bruce: *pompous laughter*
Dick, Tim, and Damian: …
Batman:
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:
Batman: I’m –
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *grapple-hook away*
Lighten up, boys. It was just one glass of champagne too many.
Also, Jason’s legally dead, so he’s like, “Meh”.
Dick: You eat a lot of fish. Aren’t you worried about mercury?
Jason: Dick, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, getting struck by lightning, and being murdered by a clown (again). Guess which one I’m rooting for?
When your youngest brother tells you to stay put by the Batmobile as he sneaks into one of the Joker’s lairs…
Red Hood: What am I supposed to do out here?
Robin: Why don’t you go meditate on the poor life decisions you’ve made?
When Obsessive Planner Robin and Adrenaline Junkie Robin team up…
Tim: Who packed this parachute for you? It’s not gonna open.
Jason: It’s only six miles down. I’ll grab your legs.
Reporting to Batman after patrol…
Nightwing [about the perpetrator and the victim]: This is how he touched her.
Nightwing: *places a hand on Red Hood’s lower back*
Oracle: *wheels into the Batcave*
Oracle: … I can come back.
Oracle: *wheels out of the Batcave*
When you open your safe house door and find your rain-drenched little brother standing there…
Damian: Todd, I believe you know why I’m here.
Jason: *yawns* I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
Tim: *tightening his tie and straightening out his double-breasted suit in front of a mirror*
Tim: I’m going to the movies with Tam. I don’t want her to think I think it’s a date.
Jason: Do you think it’s a date?
Tim: *clipping his cuff links and shining his black Oxford shoes* No, but she might think I think it’s a date, even though I don’t.
Jason: Or you might think she thinks you think it’s a date, even though she doesn’t.
Tim: *grooming his hair* Are we overthinking this?
Jason: *handing him a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates* Not at all.
Breaking into a top secret facility be like…
Red Hood: I need a bottle of vodka, a very sharp, pointed knife, uh, a Bic pen, a sandwich baggie and some duct tape.
Red Robin: Sandwich baggie, duct tape. Who are you? MacGyver?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 