incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not accompany Damian gift shopping?

Damian [to employee]: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.

Employee: Excuse me?

Damian: Here. *hands gift basket to employee* Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?

Employee: I don’t understand what you’re talking about, and you’re making me a little uncomfortable.

Jason: *grabs Damian by the scruff of his neck*

Jason: See, sounds just like you and Raven. We’ll take it.

Jason: *takes the gift basket and drags Damian away*

How to stay moisturized during freezing patrol nights in Gotham City…

Nightwing: *carefully pouring liquid from a tiny bottle onto his finger, then gently dabbing some of it on his lips* I’m telling you, Jay. Olive oil.

Red Hood: *grimaces* Dick, just because it’s good on salad it doesn’t mean it’s good on your lips.

Red Hood: If you bring sarcasm my way, baby, prepare to be stung.

Nightwing: Jay…

Red Hood: So’s your face!

Red Robin: That doesn’t even make any sense.

Red Hood: “So’s your face” always makes sense.

Robin: -Tt- Todd, that’s stupid.

Red Hood: So’s your face! Man, I am on fire!

When your youngest brother’s mother drops by for a visit…

Talia: *grinning while running her fingers along her sword’s blade*

Red Robin: *whispering* Okay, this woman is horrifying, so don’t panic.

Red Hood: *scoffs* I’ll be fine.

Red Robin: I was talking to myself.

When your brother tries to convince you to perform a death-defying, two-man maneuver with him…

Red Hood: Dick, that’s acrobat stuff. I don’t have the expertise.

Nightwing: Jay, any idiot can be an acrobat.

Red Hood: I know, I just think –

Nightwing: I knew you thought that! I knew it.

Red Hood: You tricked me!

When you just can’t say no to a brother in need…

Nightwing: I’ll do it.

Red Hood: I knew you would. You’re very predictable.

Nightwing & Red Hood: No, I’m not.

Nightwing & Red Hood: Stop doing that!

Nightwing & Red Hood: Peanut butter egg cereal.