When your best friend tells you that you can’t see each other anymore…
Arsenal: Are you saying that our entire relationship is based on lies?!
Red Hood: Not our entire relationship. Just the stuff that I said.
Tag: jason todd
Duke: Jason, what am I going to tell Bruce?
Jason: Well, if you learned anything today, it won’t be the truth.
Bruce: *listening in via tap* Hrrrn.
Sneaking into your little brother’s room while he’s away on a mission with Superboy be like…
Tim: *examining the different types of blades splayed on Damian’s bed*
Jason: *tiptoeing on the carpet and looking around the room* Maybe let’s not touch anything until we figure out if his stuff wants to kill us or not.
Damian: Is it okay if I do it for Grayson and not you?
Tim: Yeah.
Damian: Because I really like Grayson.
Jason: We know.
Red Hood: *fondly watching Starfire braid Artemis’ hair and Arsenal fly around the safe house on Bizarro’s back*
Red House: *sighs happily* What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? Is it my height? Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty?
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *scurrying around the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards, looking under kitchen counters and chairs*
Tim: *typing on his laptop, drinking pure liquid caffeine*
Jason: I have to tell you something. When we fell on really hard times, Roy and I stayed at a rat-infested motel for a month, and I developed a deep-seated fear of rats.
Tim: *not looking away from laptop* I am so sorry to hear about that. I understand your fears and I validate them.
Jason: I’m not looking for your understanding, Tim! Just grab the freakin’ rat!
When your eldest brother asks you to look after his Blüdhaven apartment while he’s away on a mission…
Red Robin: Oh, come on, Dick’s a grown man. He can take care of himself.
Red Hood: *opens the refrigerator to reveal a bottle of curdy milk, a half-eaten sandwich, and a bowl of soggy Cheerios*
Red Hood: *looking unimpressed* You really believe that?
Duke: *walks into the living room*
Duke: *sees the aftermath of his brothers’ Monopoly game*
Duke: *yells to no one in particular in the Manor* Will someone please call all the ambulances?
Tim: *tightening his tie and straightening out his double-breasted suit in front of a mirror*
Tim: I’m going to the movies with Tam. I don’t want her to think I think it’s a date.
Jason: Do you think it’s a date?
Tim: *clipping his cuff links and shining his black Oxford shoes* No, but she might think I think it’s a date, even though I don’t.
Jason: Or you might think she thinks you think it’s a date, even though she doesn’t.
Tim: *grooming his hair* Are we overthinking this?
Jason: *handing him a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates* Not at all.
An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
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Robin: *grabs @utazawa by the sleeve with charcoal-stained fingers and without even taking his eyes off the portrait he’s making*
Robin: Where do you think you’re going, Trespasser? I need a muse. Sit down.
Nightwing: Robin, our manners, please. Ignore that. You’re very much welcome –
Red Robin: *cartwheels in between Dick and @utazawa * Heyyouwannagoonpatrolwithme?Thisdarkroaststuffisreallykickingin!HowaboutApokolips,youupfor–
Red Hood: *maskless, throws the fan back to @utazawa and lightly pushes Tim, who topples over and instantly falls asleep on the floor* Hey, thanks.
Me: Oh! @utazawa , you’re still here?
Alfred: Might I suggest you stay for dinner then? I hope you’re not allergic to lobster.
Alfred: *on his way out of the living room* And perhaps you can regale Master Jason and me about Shakespeare.
Batman: *walking into the living room* I like these *narrows eyes* chill pills. *pops another into his mouth and heads to the Batcave*
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