Rescuing your little brother be like…
Red Hood: *lock-picks a chain binding Damian, who’s hanging upside down and is slowly being lowered into a pool of piranhas*
Red Hood: Just remember that I’m doing you a favor, kid.
Robin: -Tt-
Red Hood: Don’t forget it in a few years when I ask you to change my diapers.
Robin: Okay, Todd! Wait, what?
Trying to make up for lost father-and-son time be like…
Damian: Do you really want to do something with me, Father?
Bruce: Yes, Son.
Damian: How about if you drive me to the mall, so I can see a movie with the Teen Titans, and then pick me up when we’re done?
Looks like he’s still bitter about that birthday you missed, Bats.
And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…
Dick: *baking cookies (Alfred’s recipe)*
Jason: *playing with Titus*
Damian: *arrives from Gotham High*
Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen island*
Dick: …
Jason: …
Damian: *takes a seat on a stool, buries his face in his hands, and groans*
Dick: Soooo… How’s school?
Damian: *muffled* Okay.
Dick: Anything noteworthy happen?
Damian: *muffled* No.
Jason: *throws his hands up in the air* I thought you said he got dumped!
Dick: *through gritted teeth* I was easing into it.
Jason: Oh. Okay, go ahead.
It’s a tie!
When you find out that your brother’s developed a crush…
Jason: *shrugs* She is kind of cute.
Dick: Why don’t you go talk to her?
Jason: I don’t know what to say.
Dick: That’s never stopped you from runnin’ your mouth before.
When your 12-year-old vigilante son asks for his own Batmobile…
Batman: Stop going through puberty and we’ll talk about it.
Robin: Stop being so cheap and we’ll talk about it!
Batman: Alfred, I don’t pay you to mock me.
Alfred: Master Bruce, you’d have to pay me not to.
Tam: *entering the Wayne Enterprises building*
Tim: *fidgeting with his double-breasted suit*
Tim: *closes his eyes for a second, then exhales*
Tim: Do I look okay?
Jason: Timbo, she waved at you, she smiled. Clearly her standards aren’t that high.
Tim: Right, thanks.
When one of Batman’s sons is brought in for questioning…
Commisioner Gordon: Are the cuffs really neccessary?
GCPD Officer: He broke both of Officer Wu’s arms, Sir –
Gordon: He what?!
Officer: – while shouting, “Wooo”.
Red Hood: Happy coincidence.
Gordon: Mr. Hood, do we have to sedate you?
Red Hood: Well, I wouldn’t say no to a drink.
At the Manor…
Jason: It’s because of you that Tim doesn’t want to come here anymore!
Damian: Good. Tell me what I did so that I can do it to you.
Dick: Where are we going?
Tim: We are going to talk some sense into Bruce!
Dick: Really? It’s hard to imagine that turning out well.
And the original Boy Wonder would know that better than anyone (except maybe Alfred).
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