Duke: I just spent the last few years thinking that you guys knew more than me about life, and I just found out that you guys are just as dumb as me.
Jason: Da doi.
Tim: Yeah. Da doi.
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Why his family doesn’t know whether to believe him or not anymore…
Red Hood: Oh, I’m serious, baby. I am Yahoo! Serious. I’m Serious FM. Welcome to the World Serious of Seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerios.
[in Yoda’s voice] The sarcasm is strong with this one.
When your adoptive father keeps secrets from you…
Nightwing: Well, I don’t like being excluded, Bruce! Do you, Timmy? Little D? Jay?
Red Hood: Yes!
He’d really rather stay out of it.
At the Wayne Manor attic…
Dick: *dramatically walks out from behind a dusty, old cabinet wearing his 80’s Nightwing suit*
Jason: *clears his throat loudly*
Tim: *standing absolutely still but with shoulders shaking*
Damian: *jaw drop*
Duke: *eyes wide, covering his mouth*
Dick: You guys think I’m some sort of a joke!
Jason, Tim, Damian, and Duke: *break into a fit of laughter*
Jason: *wiping tears off his eyes* This isn’t disproving that theory.
When you’re discussing the bad habits of superheroes and no one wants to consider your input…
Robin: Everyone just wants you to shut up, Todd.
Red Hood: And yet I won’t. Case in point.
Alfred: Batman wants to see you at the cave, Master Jason.
Robin: And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.
Mornings at the Manor…
Duke: *nervously looks over his shoulder at Bruce pulling a sneering Damian by the scruff of the neck, Dick restraining a furious Tim via bear hug, Alfred telling Jason to get down from the kitchen counter, Cass ushering the family pets to safety, and the refrigerator on fire*
Duke: *sips chocolate milk, then looks straight into the Snapchat camera*
Duke: Jason attacked the counter with a fire axe and is still only the second craziest person in the kitchen.
Nightwing: You’re pathological, Jason!
Red Hood: It’s too late for flattery.
Alfred [to Dick]: Master Bruce’s whole personality is based around guarding himself. You don’t have to be like that to be a man.
Mornings at the Manor…
Bruce: *e-mailing the Justice League while discussing Wayne Tech plans with Lucius on the phone*
Dick: *stealthily picking blueberries off the pancakes on the serving tray while dangling upside down from the ceiling*
Alfred: *slapping Dick’s hand away while preparing Tim’s morning espresso shots*
Jason: *holding up a bag of catfood so it’s out of Damian’s reach*
Damian: *on his tippy toes trying to reach it while muttering censor-worthy threats to Jason*
Tim: *eyelids drooping and eyes red, wiping dried-up slobber off his face* How long was I out? Is Napster still a thing?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Who’s gonna tell him?
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