Jason: You’re going to be okay.
Tim: Am I?
Jason: *shrugs* Yeah, ‘cause you’re, like, ten times more resilient than me, and I’m okay.
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Commissioner Gordon: *lights a cigarette and takes a drag*
Batman: *lands beside him and stares at a covered body on the ground*
Commissioner Gordon: You, me, working on a crime scene. It’s our happy place.
Nightwing: Bruce is more than a teacher to me.
Superman: Like a big brother?
Nightwing: More like a dad.
Tim: *mumbling while walking out of the kitchen*
Dick:
Dick: Did Timmy say something weird again?
Jason: *without looking up from the newspaper he’s reading* When does he not?
When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…
Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –
Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*
Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*
Tim: *wakes up*
Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*
Bruce: *freezes up*
Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*
Batman: *getting off the phone with Talia*
Catwoman: Meow. I wish our phone conversations were as flirty.
Batman: She threatened to kill me, Selina.
Catwoman: I can do that.
~ · ~ · ~
You do not want her jealous, Bruce.
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *holding Robin by the scruff of the neck* Hey, if you want, you can babysit this brat and I’ll go with Zsasz to the GCPD.
Red Hood: *walking towards the bound and gagged criminal* No. No, thank you. Bring on the ex-con.
Batman: *runs after a parademon and into a boomtube*
Robin: *watches in horror as the boomtube closes*
The Flash:
Green Lantern:
The Flash: He left his kid here! He’s got to come back!
Green Lantern: Would you come back for that kid?
The Flash: He’s never coming back.
All kidding aside, we know how far Bruce would go to get Damian back.
Why Batman got the ol’ silent treatment during patrol that night…
Four hours ago, at a Wayne Foundation gala…
Senator: You have wonderful sons, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce: Yes, I do. But Dick, Tim, and Damian must never learn of them.
Senator and Bruce: *pompous laughter*
Dick, Tim, and Damian: …
Batman:
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:
Batman: I’m –
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *grapple-hook away*
Lighten up, boys. It was just one glass of champagne too many.
Also, Jason’s legally dead, so he’s like, “Meh”.
Dick: You eat a lot of fish. Aren’t you worried about mercury?
Jason: Dick, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, getting struck by lightning, and being murdered by a clown (again). Guess which one I’m rooting for?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 