Red Hood: *dramatically spray-painting the words “I died” in cursive on the sidewalk next to a group of bound criminals*
Red Robin: *waiting for him to finish so they could report back to Batman* Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?
Red Hood: Personally, I’d like another ten to fifteen minutes of really pathetic self-indulgence.
When you fall asleep during a mission briefing at the Watchtower and need to catch up…
Kid Flash: *nudges Kyle*
Green Lantern: *nudges Wally back*
Batman: *working on a case at the mainframe computer*
Kid Flash: *clears throat*
Green Lantern: Can I ask a follow-up question, Mr. Batman, Sir?
Batman: You’re about to leave through that window.
Green Lantern: I rescind my follow-up question.
The Flash: Hal, Batman’s been looking for you all morning.
Green Lantern: What does he want?
The Flash: I don’t know, but he’s dressed strangely.
Green Lantern: Really? How can you tell?
Batman: I’m looking for John Constantine. Can you tell me where to find him?
Doctor Fate: What do I look like? An information desk?
Batman: Excuse me?
Doctor Fate: *rolls his eyes inside his helmet and conjures up a portal* Yes, fine, you’re excused. Oh, and don’t forget to fill in our customer comment card on your way out.
Green Lantern (Simon): *wiping sweat off his forehead as he watches Bruce walking away* Yep, Batman scares me.
Green Lantern (Hal): Well, that happens when you bottle up your feelings like that. You wake up one day and you’re a seething mass of pain.
When asked what Batman’s superpower was…
Superman: Impossible is what Batman specializes in.
Clark: What was that look?
Bruce: What look?
Clark: The look you just gave me.
Bruce: I gave a look?
Clark: Yes.
Bruce: What kind of look?
Clark: I know that look.
Bruce: Then what was it?
Clark: Why should I tell you?
Bruce: You’re the big “look” expert. I want to see how smart you are.
Clark: Trust me, I know the look.
He knows it. Your children know it. Everyone who’s ever felt judged by you knows it, Batman. (Including the rogues.)
When Bruce and Clark met Diana…
Batman: *staring intently at Wonder Woman from across the room* Come stand next to me.
Superman: Why?
Batman: So she doesn’t think I’m creepy.
Superman: Well, you are creepy.
Batman: I realize this. That’s why I need you.
ma’am this is my emotional support alien
When you see footage of your father, who’s bruised, bloodied, bound and being taunted by a villanous metahuman, on the Batcomputer screen…
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Robin:
Alfred: *clears his throat*
Alfred: Boys, he wouldn’t want you involved –
Robin: *pulls his sword from its scabbard and releases Goliath from his cage*
Red Robin: *tracks the source of the footage and hacks into its system*
Red Hood: *reloads his guns and straps on explosives*
Nightwing: *lights up his escrima sticks* We’re already involved. We’re family, Alfred.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I mean it’s not as if Alfred left that footage to stream for you to “accidentally” find against Batman’s orders… Right?
Batman: Jason, would it make you feel better to hear that I approved of your life choices?
Red Hood: Yes, it would.
Batman: Hn. Well, you should work on that.
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