Why you should try not to take anything Batman says too personally…
Batman: I can’t afford any more delays, Clark, and you’re one of those superpowered beings who cause delays. Sometimes it’s a good thing. There’s a whole group of heroes. They’re “delay heroes”.
Superman: *quivering lip* You mean… You mean you don’t like me?
Batman: No, of course I like you. It’s because I like you that I don’t want to be with you. It’s a complicated emotion, Clark!
When you catch Batman brooding in the Watchtower…
Hal: Hey, Mr. Grumpy Bats. When life gets you down, do you know what you’ve gotta do?
Bruce: *grits teeth* No, I don’t know what to do.
Hal: *singing while flying around the Conference Hall* Just keep floating. Just keep floating. Just keep floating, floating, floating. What do we do? We float, float!
Bruce: Jordan, no singing.
Hal: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho! I love to float. When you want to float, you WANT to float!
Bruce: *groans*
Bruce: *heads to his teleportation tube*
World’s Finest Dads…
Batman [about grounding Robin after a mission gone awry]: I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.
Superman: Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.
Batman: What?
Superman: Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Robin.
Joker: *giggles* You’re funny.
Batman: *grabs Joker by the lapels*
Batman: *grits teeth* I’ve been called a lot of things, but never funny.
Story arcs that involve Bruce and Jason together be like…
Batman: Come on, Jason. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I’ve seen it. You can trust me. I’ll understand.
Red Hood/Arkham Knight: Spare me the compassionate father routine, Bruce. The suit don’t fit.
Batman: I’m really trying here, Jason.
Red Hood/Arkham Knight: You’re trying? Now? Where were you when it mattered? I needed this guy back when I was dead. I don’t need you now. It’s too late now. Everything’s already happened. You and Dick don’t seem to understand that. Let me explain something to you: the only thing I have in common with Dick Grayson is that we have absolutely no use for you.
Darkseid: Die! Die! Why won’t you die? Why won’t you die?
Batman: Beneath this cowl there is more than flesh. Beneath this cowl there is an idea, Darkseid, and ideas are omega beam-proof.
When you’d rather not deal with Batfamily…
Gotham City villain: *hears police sirens outside* I never thought I’d love to hear that sound.
Tim [to Alfred]: What if Bruce gets another Robin? A mean one? I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection!
–
Hoo boy, Timmy. You have nooo idea.
Clark: Are you ever afraid?
Bruce: No.
Clark: Not even of dying?
Bruce: No.
Clark: You don’t feel any emotion about it one way or another?
Bruce: No. I have to stay functional until my mission is complete. Then it doesn’t matter.
Clark: Yeah. I have to stay functional, too. I’m “too important”.
–
Because the dialogue between a cyborg assassin and his human protectee fits Bruce and Clark just fine.
Batman: Jason, I’m very disappointed in you!
Robin:
I know.
Batman: You could have been killed. You deliberately disobeyed me and what’s worse, you put a little girl in danger!
Robin: I was just trying to be brave, like you.
Batman: I’m only brave when I have to be. Jason, being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.
Robin: But you’re not scared of anything.
Batman:
I was today.
Robin: You were?
Batman: Yes. I thought I might lose you.
I’m not crying. You’re crying.
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