Working with your paranoid, over-the-top vigilante-detective-adoptive father on a case be like…
Batman: I sent you a text with my location every two hours.
Red Hood: I was busy.
Batman: Hn. I left some urine in your safe house.
Red Hood: Tell me it’s in a cup.
Green Lanterns of Sector 2814: With all due respect, Batman, so what?
Bruce: What are you doing?
Alfred: *collecting all kinds of paperwork into piles and shutting down the Batcomputer*
Alfred: Depriving you of all stimuli. Time for you to get some sleep, Master Bruce.
Bruce: What? No, no. Right after you solve a case, you’re flushed with a success. We should double down with work!
Alfred: *walks away with said piles*
Wanna bet he does the same to Master Timothy?
A young Robin trying to get to know the Batman…
Dick: There’s just one question I want to ask you about your past.
Bruce: Excellent. You wait here and I’ll go to my study, shut the door. Soon as you’re absolutely certain I can’t hear you, ask away.
Batman [to Scarecrow, about Arkham Knight]: You loaded him like a weapon and pointed him at me!
Reminding the rest of the Justice League that…
Batman: For future reference, when I say I agree with you, it means I’m not listening.
Teaming up with the World’s Greatest Detective be like…
Green Arrow: So, what now? We go back to the Falcone house and talk to the servants more?
Batman: Hn. You’re doing it again.Talking.
Green Arrow: What? I’m not supposed to talk?
Batman: Situations like these cases require my total concentration. I talk to you, never the other way around.
Batman: You know, Superman, I take it all back. I’m beginning to find your companionship extremely useful.
Superman: *grins proudly*
Batman: It’s like white noise. It puts me in a state where I think and observe better.
Superman: How do you do it, guess things?
Batman: I observe, and then I deduce.
Superman: How did you know I was a farmer? You said you could tell from my hand.
Batman: Hands, plural. It had calluses, not soft.
Superman: How did you know my family was Kryptonian?
Batman: Google. Not everything is deducible.
Clark: You know a guy in custom engraving?
Bruce: I know a guy in everything.
Name the universe, he’s got a name.
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