Finding out that their teenaged brother tried smoking a cigarette…
Dick [about Tim]: He’s lying to me! Can you believe that? Where is this family’s morality?
Jason: I don’t know.
Jason: *a puff of smoke suddenly escapes his mouth*
Dick: What’s that?
Jason: It’s cold out here.
Tag: big brother of the year
Tim [about Bruce]: He’s our dad. I don’t want to disappoint him.
Jason: You and I are so different. It’s like we’re not even related.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: I’m going to speak very carefully in case he’s with you.
Red Robin: You’re right.
Red Hood: Right about what? He’s there? What’s going on? Who’s with you? If it’s Bruce, say “nobody”.
Red Robin: Nobody.
Red Hood: Well, now I don’t know what’s going on!
When Batman tries to be a “fun dad”…
Bruce: I just booked us a little fishing trip.
Jason: Why, what did I do?
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *scouring cabinets for the last box of Lucky Charms*
Jason: *sipping tea*
Tim: *working on his laptop, half a waffle hanging from his mouth*
Damian: *enters the kitchen looking solemn*
Damian: Drake. I need you to teach me how to be… a douchebag.
Dick and Jason:
Tim:
Tim: Let’s get started.
Tim and Damian: *walk out of the kitchen*
Jason: What is happening in the world?
Dick: Tim, I have to ask you a favor. It’s about my clothes…
Jason: *from his bedroom across the hall* Burn them! Burn them all!
Imagine: Jason, to a bartender. (Or, alternatively, Red Hood, to a bound and gagged criminal sweating out of fear.)
Running a few errands before meeting up with his brothers on Family Patrol Night…
Red Hood: *slaps $1000 on the counter* I need an Advil, a roll of duct tape, a pack of peanuts, and four beers.
Store clerk: *blinks*
When your younger brother’s the CEO of a multibillion-dollar company…
Jason: Timbo, I need 75 bucks for the new Arkham Knight game.
Tim: *deadpan stare*
Tim: 75 bucks for a video game?
Jason: Yes. See it as an investment.
Tim: *narrowed eyes* An investment?
Jason: Yes. See it this way: If I become a villain with “daddy issues” in another universe, I’ll already know how to do it properly.
Jason: Did I tell you I got pepper-sprayed today?
Tim: You say that like it’s a good thing.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And that was just for entering Damian’s room.
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