Tag: big brother of the year

When you find out that Bruce’s planning to send your youngest brother to Summer Camp…

Dick: *does meditative yoga poses while hanging upside down from the chandelier*

Jason: *lies down on the couch, tucks his arms behind his head, and kicks off his boots*

Tim: *sighs contentedly, takes a little sip of his coffee, and stares dreamily out the window*

Jason: Just imagine… If the brat says yes, we’ll have an entire summer without him.

Dick: We could play outside.

Jason: We could sit on the left side of the couch.

Tim: I could use the bathroom at 8:20!

Dick: Our dreams are very small, aren’t they?

Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not accompany Damian gift shopping?

Damian [to employee]: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.

Employee: Excuse me?

Damian: Here. *hands gift basket to employee* Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?

Employee: I don’t understand what you’re talking about, and you’re making me a little uncomfortable.

Jason: *grabs Damian by the scruff of his neck*

Jason: See, sounds just like you and Raven. We’ll take it.

Jason: *takes the gift basket and drags Damian away*

Damian: *kicks Jason’s bedroom door open*

Jason: *pauses from typing on his laptop*

Damian: Todd.

Damian: I trusted you with my e-mail address, and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banality.

He only accepts those adorable kitten-related memes, Jay.

Damian: *sneers*

Tim: I am going to introduce you to a world of hurt, you little brat!

Tim: *charges towards Damian*

Jason: *grabs Tim by the scruff of his neck*

Jason: You don’t want to get into it with Damian. The kid is one lab accident away from being a super villain.

Tam: Tim isn’t the kind of guy I usually go out with…

Jason: Timbo isn’t the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with.

You’re one to talk, Jay. Not exactly a lot of guys resurrected by the Lazarus Pit walking around.

That one time Superboy cried because Robin wouldn’t accept his birthday present for him…

Kara [about Jon]: Well, Damian, you are his best friend. Friends give each other presents.

Damian: I accept your premise; I reject your conclusion.

Tim [to Kara]: *whispering* Try telling him it’s a non-optional social convention.

Kara: What?

Jason: Just do it.

Kara [to Damian]: It’s a… non-optional social convention.

Damian: Ah. Fair enough. *takes the gift and walks away*

Dick: *grins* He came with a manual.

When you make fun of your little brother for not being born “conventionally”…

Damian: You see, I’m a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.

Jason: And what do you mean by “mediocre stock”?

Damian: That would be you.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not take care of the flu-ridden Batbrat?

Red Hood: *stops his motorcycle in front of The Cheesecake Factory*

Red Hood: *sighs*

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Why didn’t you just have soup at home?

Damian: Todd, I have an IQ of 187. Pennyworth is on vacation. Don’t you imagine that if there were a way for me to have soup at home I would have thought of it?

Red Hood: You can have soup delivered.

Damian: *blows his nose*

Damian: I did not think of that.

Now, guess who lost the second round?

Tim: *tucks Damian in bed* Alright, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Damian: What else would I drink, Drake? Solids? Gases? Ionized plasma?

Tim: *drops a sleeping pill into Damian’s glass of milk*

Tim: *smiling with gritted teeth* Drink whatever you want.

Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not take care of the flu-ridden Batbrat?

Red Hood: *stops his motorcycle in front of The Cheesecake Factory*

Red Hood: *sighs*

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Why didn’t you just have soup at home?

Damian: Todd, I have an IQ of 187. Pennyworth is on vacation. Don’t you imagine that if there were a way for me to have soup at home I would have thought of it?

Red Hood: You can have soup delivered.

Damian: *blows his nose*

Damian: I did not think of that.

Watching “Dawn of the Dead” at the Manor…

Tim: See how that group of survivors barricaded themselves inside of a mall?

Jason: Yeah?

Tim: You’re what’s outside of the mall.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

And Jason’s like, “Well, he’s not wrong…”