Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not accompany Damian gift shopping?
Damian [to employee]: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.
Employee: Excuse me?
Damian: Here. *hands gift basket to employee* Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Employee: I don’t understand what you’re talking about, and you’re making me a little uncomfortable.
Jason: *grabs Damian by the scruff of his neck*
Jason: See, sounds just like you and Raven. We’ll take it.
Jason: *takes the gift basket and drags Damian away*
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Robin: *puts on kryptonite-lined gloves*
Robin: Crab claw.
Superboy: Ow! Did you just pinch my arm?!
Robin: Yes. Does it make you mad?
Superboy: I don’t know, it was kind of a–
Robin: Crab claw!
Superboy: Ow! What are you doing?!
Robin: I’m moving to California to lead the Teen Titans, and by pinching your arm I’m making you feel angry instead of overwhelmed with grief that I’m leaving.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Damian, that is not how you – *sighs*
How to stay moisturized during freezing patrol nights in Gotham City…
Nightwing: *carefully pouring liquid from a tiny bottle onto his finger, then gently dabbing some of it on his lips* I’m telling you, Jay. Olive oil.
Red Hood: *grimaces* Dick, just because it’s good on salad it doesn’t mean it’s good on your lips.
Red Hood: If you bring sarcasm my way, baby, prepare to be stung.
Nightwing: Jay…
Red Hood: So’s your face!
Red Robin: That doesn’t even make any sense.
Red Hood: “So’s your face” always makes sense.
Robin: -Tt- Todd, that’s stupid.
Red Hood: So’s your face! Man, I am on fire!
When your youngest brother’s mother drops by for a visit…
Talia: *grinning while running her fingers along her sword’s blade*
Red Robin: *whispering* Okay, this woman is horrifying, so don’t panic.
Red Hood: *scoffs* I’ll be fine.
Red Robin: I was talking to myself.
Red Hood and Arsenal: *walking*
Arsenal: *pauses*
Arsenal: Does that sound like somebody saying “No”, “Wait”, “Stop” to you?
Red Hood: *listens*
Red Hood: Yeah.
Arsenal: *continues walking* Oh, well.
Batman: *turning on the Comm Link* Di –
Nightwing: *dropping down from the ceiling* Here I am, roguishly handsome and at your service. What do you need?
When Clark met his future BFF, Bruce…
Superman: *watching as Batman grapple-hooks away*
Superman: You’re gonna like me, Bruce Wayne. I’m just gonna let you pretend for a little while that you don’t already do.
Tim: Do we have any coffee left, Alfred?
Alfred: I’m afraid not, Master Timothy.
Tim: Oh. Isn’t that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
It’s, like, 7:45 AM, Tim.
Tim: Hey, Tam, there you are!
Tam: Hey, Tim!
Tim’s Brain: This is your moment! Grab it! Listen, Tam… Out loud, you idiot! Out loud!
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