incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When you’re curious to find out what you could’ve been had you not met Batman…

S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Here are your scientifically selected careers.

Batgirl: “Architect”. Nice.

The Signal: “Insurance salesman”. Uhhh, right.

Spoiler: “Salmon gutter”? What in the –

Robin: “Military strongman”. -Tt-

Red Robin: “Systems analyst”. *shrugs*

Nightwing: “Homemaker”?

S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Mm-hm. It’s like a mommy.

Red Hood: “Police officer”? Well, I’ll be jiggered.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Mornings at the Manor…

Tim and Damian: *bickering at the breakfast table*

Bruce: Quiet, you two! If I hear one more word, Tim doesn’t get to drink coffee and Damian doesn’t get to go on patrol.

Tim: Bruce!

Damian: Father!

Bruce: Not. One. Word.

Tim and Damian: *start insulting each other by lightly tapping spoons and banging salt and pepper shakers*

Bruce: I thought I told you two to knock it off.

Tim: We didn’t say anything!

Damian: Not one word!

Bruce: Well, no Morse code either.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Tim: *whispering* What’s your hurry?

Jason: *grabbing his leather jacket and kicking three-day-old garbage underneath the sofa* This place is depressing.

Dick: *yelling from the kitchen* Hey! I live here!

Jason: *yelling back* And I’m sure it’s a blast once you get used to it!

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

Maybe if you cleaned up once in a while before these family visits, Nightwing…

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Teaching your older brother an ancient form of meditation sacred to a line of assassins be like…

Damian: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.

Jason: Okay.

Damian: Embrace nothingness.

Jason: You got it.

Damian: Become like an uncarved stone.

Jason: Done.

Damian: Todd! You’re just pretending to know what I’m talking about!

Jason: True.

Damian: -Tt- It’s very frustrating!

Jason: I’ll bet.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Family Patrol Night…

Batman: *setting up surveillance equipment on the rooftop*

Robin: *watching the traffic down below while perched atop a gargoyle*

Nightwing: *balancing on the ledge (y’know, upside-down and on one hand, the yoosh)*

Red Robin: Jay, I have a riddle for you. What’s the sound of one hand clapping?

Red Hood: Piece of cake. *opens and closes his fist quickly, which makes a faint sound*

Red Robin: No, man. It’s a 3000-year-old riddle with no answer. It’s supposed to clear your mind of conscious thought.

Red Hood: No answer? Timmy, listen up. *quickly opens and closes his fist again*

Batman: Hn. *smirks*

Nightwing: *giggles and almost loses his balance*

Robin: -Tt-