I really want a villain who is a “MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!” person facing a hero who is a “one black coffee” person.
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In the middle of a jungle mission (and both of Red Robin’s legs are broken)…
Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!
Red Hood: We have to. Timbo, I’m sorry –
Red Robin: No, you’re not.
Red Hood: I am, actually, which, whatever, but –
Robin: *cocks and aims a gun at Red Hood* We are not leaving Drake!
Red Hood: Uh, what do you even think you’re doing?
Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!
Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*
Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*
Red Hood: Oh, my goodness gracious! *wipes tears* Okay. Thanks, Little D. I think we needed that.
Red Robin: *clutching his stomach* We did. We really did.
Damian would be the first to recommend leaving Red Robin behind
^ Partly why his two older brothers find the situation hysterical. (He’s changed a lot, though. I think he’d be more protective of his family – including Timmy – by now.)
Batman: *walks into the Watchtower’s Hall of Justice*
Batman: *narrows his eyes* Hn.
Batman: *swiftly turns on the light*
Everyone: SURPRISE, BRUCE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *confetti explosions, colorful bat-shaped balloons, tooting horns*
Batman: *wide-eyed, open-mouthed and motionless*
Wonder Woman: *checks him for a pulse*
Superman: *whispers in his ear* I know it’s your specialty, but let’s try not to overthink this one, okay?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Aww, you guys! Don’t scare him like that.
When you’re new to the crime game and pick the wrong city to start playing in…
At a Gotham precinct…
Criminal 1: *with two black eyes and in handcuffs, newly booked and seated next to another criminal in handcuffs*
Criminal 2 [about Batman]: *grinning and missing three teeth* Did he follow you down an alley and jump on you, too? He does that.
Bruce and Dick: *arguing in the Batcave*
Tim [to Alfred]: Is it weird that I find the sound of their bickering comforting?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Because bickering means their family’s on speaking terms, safe for now, still alive.
Batmobile: *screeches to a halt in front of Selina’s apartment building*
Bruce: *comes out in a partially unbottoned dress shirt and a skewed necktie, holding a bouquet of petal-less roses*
Selina:
Bruce: *grins sheepishly*
Selina: What use is a jet-powered vehicle with missle launchers if it can’t get you to a dinner reservation on time?
Batman: I don’t remember asking for –
Superman: Bruce, please shut up and let me save your life.
Red Hood: *gets off the phone*
Artemis: Duty calls?
Red Hood: Worse. Batman.
Red Hood [to Red Robin and Robin]: The two of you agreeing with each other? Now, that’s scary.
Batman: *watching security footage of Green Lantern and Green Arrow making fun of him while he was giving a mission briefing earlier that day* Hn. Do they have any idea how much stalking experience I have?
Superman: If only they did, Bruce. You’re very prolific. You’re the Picasso of creepiness.
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