Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier
Jason:
Most likely to stick to the grocery list
But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady
Tim:
Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)
Damian:
Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list
(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)
Dick:
It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
Gentle disciplinarian.
Jason:
Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”
Tim:
Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).
Damian:
Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.
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