When you get off patrol and your little brother insists that you read him a bedtime story…
Dick: Then the prince and the princess… got, um, married and lived happily ever after…
Damian: Then what happened, Grayson?
Dick: Uh… They had… thirty sons and thirty daughters.
Damian: What were their names?
Dick: Hmm… Dennis… Brad… Mavis… Brad… Bra… ZzzzZzz…
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: *tugs on his blanket and covers his snoring older brother with it*
Nightwing: To “shake one’s booty” means to “wiggle one’s butt”. Allow me to demonstrate.
In which secondhand embarrassment causes the pirate-looking criminals to surrender.
On the last day of March, thirty minutes before midnight…
Somewhere on the Manor grounds…
Robin [on the Comm Link]: *sounds of rustling leaves and scraping metals in the background* You’re going down, Todd. I’m going to fool you!
Red Hood: *stuffing a sack with batarangs and Damian’s underwear* You talk better than you fool, kid.
Robin [on the Comm Link]: Oh, I will fool you up real nice.
Red Hood: You couldn’t fool your cleverest brother on the fooling-est day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which, as tradition goes, Alfred already has the Batcave’s surgical bay ready in time for the first of April.
If Damian came to the Manor as a baby…
Dick: *sniffs*
Tim: Who’s gonna change the little brat?
Jason: We’re going to let him roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.
When Robin asks if he and Superboy can go see a movie after patrol…
Bruce: Hn.
Damian: Please, Father?
Bruce: You must constantly Twitter me what you’re up to, even though I don’t know what Twitter is and have no desire to find out.
See? He’s a cool dad.
Batman: Stay with Tim.
Robin: -Tt-
Robin: One doesn’t stay “with” Drake. One stays “despite” him.
Red Robin: Look, Brat, I’m not thrilled either, but one day we might need each other for a transplant so we better keep the lines of communication going.
GCPD Officer: It’s time for a cavity search.
Red Hood: Oh, I haven’t had a cavity search in six months.
GCPD Officer: I wasn’t talking about your teeth.
Red Hood: Nor was I.
When Batman’s sons come over to your city and you hear about it at work…
Lois: Hey, Smallville. There are a few developments. You might want to make some room on the front page.
Clark: *raises an eyebrow*
No need to worry, Superman. It’s just your nephews wreaking havoc on some Gotham City criminals who thought they could hide out in Metropolis.
That one time Superman’s wish to ride the Batmobile was granted…
Bruce: You have so much in common with Dick.
Clark: 😀
Bruce: Non-stop chatter during drives.
Clark: 😐
Tim: Alfred, may I go?
Alfred: Is your room clean?
Tim: Um… No.
Alfred: Good. That will give me something to do while you’re with the Teen Titans.
What would these kids do without their grandad?
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