When asked about his daily routine…
Batman: Hn.
Batman: I go on patrol from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep for six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Alfred’s passive aggressive comments about my social life, then I’m off to Wayne Enterprises, fresh as a daisy.
Sending your son away on a mission be like…
Batman: Wait, Jason. I have something for you.
Batman: *hugs him tightly*
Red Hood: Awwww.
Red Hood: I was hoping it would be money.
Nightwing: Bruce, we, um… We did something very bad.
Batman: Did you wreck the Batplane?
Red Robin: No!
Batman: Did you raise the dead?
Robin: Yes!
Batman: But the plane’s okay?
Nightwing: Uh-huh…
Batman: All right then.
Look, your father’s very tired, boys…
Meanwhile, somewhere in Nanda Parbat…
Red Hood: *covered in Lazarus Pit fluid* What the f–
Jason: Young man, since you broke Tim’s teeth, he gets to break yours.
Tim: *wipes blood off his mouth and cracks his knuckles* This is gonna be sweet.
Damian: *sneers*
In which Bruce, Alfred, and Dick never leave Jason to “babysit” his younger brothers again.
First rule of Bat Club…
Bruce: Are you kidding?! Cassandra turned out perfect! I won’t sit here and listen to you badmouthing your sister.
Tim and Damian: We’re talking about Jason.
Bruce: Oh. That guy.
Three sparring sessions later…
Damian: Ah, Todd, don’t feel bad for losing. I’ve been wrestling wolves since I was at my mother’s teat.
And he’s being painfully literal.
When the Teen Titans won’t take your leadership seriously…
Robin: *storming out of the Tower conference room* I’ll show them who’s “just a kid”!
Nightwing: *yelling from across the hall* Damian, bedtime! I laid out your jammy-jams!
Damian: Drake.
Tim: Brat. The bet ends today. Are you ready?
Damian: I was born ready.
Tim: To lose? The whole question was, “Are you ready to lose?” and you said you were born that way.
Damian: Twist my words all you want.
Tim: Okay.
Damian: I’m winning this bet.
Jason: What bet? What’re you guys talking about?
Dick: Seriously? The bet? They’ve been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doin’ all day?
Jason: Nothin’. Why, you wanna hang out?
Damian: I was sitting there, Drake!
Tim: I don’t see your name on it, Brat!
Damian: It’s right there! *points*
Alfred: Master Damian, don’t carve your name on the floor.
Welcoming 2018 in the Manor be like…
Dick: Starting tomorrow, there’s going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now!
Jason: We’re going to start it in the morning?!
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