Patrolling with your best friend be like…
Superman: I just need you to not do that thing you do.
Batman: Hn. What thing? I don’t do a “thing”, Clark.
Superman: Yes, you do! You get all mean and you make that broody face, Bruce!
Yes, Damian and Jon, this is how your fathers behave when they’re not busy lecturing you on propriety.
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim: I’m losing my mind, guys. I sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.
Alfred: *swiftly takes a step to the side to hide a frayed wire jutting from the kitchen wall*
Jason: *carefully pries the mug of espresso off Tim’s pale, trembling fingers*
Damian: *stealthily moves the butter knife away from Tim’s grasp*
Dick: *grabs Tim’s face and buries it on his chest in a tight hug*
Bruce: *closes the Gotham Gazette, stands up, then fireman-carries his heavily sleep-deprived son up to his room*
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *following Tim around the kitchen* Lotus Bear Relax! I can smell it on you right now!
Tim: *slapping his hand away* Stop smelling my hair, dude!
Jason: Do you know how much that stuff cost?
Tim: I didn’t use your conditioner, Jay!
Jason: Then why does your hair look so baby soft?!
Alfred: *sighs*
Alfred: *adds “conditioner” to grocery list*
Picking your little brother up from a kid’s birthday party (also known as the family’s attempt to teach him how to socialize) be like…
Dick: *watches as a 5-foot-8-inch 14-year-old runs away*
Damian: I messed up, Grayson. He ran away, he got scared.
Dick: Why would he get scared?
Damian: Because I threatened him with a sword. I lightly threatened him with a sword.
Planning a surprise birthday party for the Darkest of Knights be like…
Dick [to the rest of the Batfamily]: It’ll cheer Bruce up! He’ll be over the moon. He may even lean back in his chair and nod slightly.
Cue the stoic look on Alfred’s face and the bewildered, skeptical or mischevious one on everyone else’s.
Bruce: Tim, please keep an eye on Jason today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get himself arrested.
Tim: Sure. I’d love to see Jason get arrested.
Bruce: Try again.
Tim: I will stop Jason from getting arrested.
Bruce: Correct.
Bats, Lanterns, and League meetings…
Green Lantern (Simon): *sits down after watching Batman do the same*
Green Lantern (Hal): *rolls his eyes at him*
Simon: He just sat down. What am I suppose to do? He’s the boss.
Hal: No, he’s not!
Simon: He isn’t? Dang it, I cannot figure out who the boss of this team is!
But, to be safe, we usually assume it’s Bruce, so…
Tim: Jay, why did you take the blame?
Jason: I didn’t want you to wreck your life. You’ve got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I’ll be right there to borrow money.
When asked how he spent time with his brothers yesterday…
Jason: The dentist pulled my tooth out. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to the guys that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
Jason: Plus, it’s always fun to see Tim faint.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 