Clark: What was that look?
Bruce: What look?
Clark: The look you just gave me.
Bruce: I gave a look?
Clark: Yes.
Bruce: What kind of look?
Clark: I know that look.
Bruce: Then what was it?
Clark: Why should I tell you?
Bruce: You’re the big “look” expert. I want to see how smart you are.
Clark: Trust me, I know the look.
He knows it. Your children know it. Everyone who’s ever felt judged by you knows it, Batman. (Including the rogues.)
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
Family Patrol Night…
Batman: I will go in and do this quietly.
Red Hood: Well, if that doesn’t work, we will come in to make some noise. *cocks guns*
Nightwing: *lights up escrima sticks*
Red Robin: *twirls bo staff*
Robin: *brandishes sword*
Bonus:
Superman: *hovers and winks*
Bruce, what made you even think that they’d stay behind?
When you realize that maybe it isn’t a good idea to pair up your two younger brothers for patrol just yet…
Red Robin and Robin: *storm into the Batcave, shoving each other out of the way, and immediately head to opposite directions*
Red Robin: *swearing angrily under his breath*
Robin: -Tt-
Nightwing: Um…
Red Robin: *glowers at Damian while stripping off his uniform*
Robin: *hisses at Tim, grabs Alfred the Cat, and goes upstairs to his bedroom*
Nightwing: So…
Red Robin: The brat followed me home. Can we keep him? Can we keep him? Say no, Dick!
When you and your best friend get into a heated argument about fatherhood…
Bruce: *referring to the situation with Kon-El* Unlike you, I can’t just walk away from my children.
Clark: At least my children can look me in the eye and know that I never lie to them.
Batman: *rubs the bridge of his nose wearily*
Batman: I think you might be right.
Nightwing: That’s very good news! Care to elaborate?
Don’t push it, Richard.
When your partner’s doppleganger from a different Earth has a skill you could use in dealing with a mob boss right about now…
Arsenal: *whispering* You do speak Spanish, right?
Red Hood: *whispering back* Spanish? I barely speak English!
“Bamboozled” is a legitimate word, Mr. Classic Literature Fan. You’re doing fine.
Touring your best friend’s (humongous) bedroom be like…
Jon: *sees a sketch pad on an immaculately organized antique desk* What do you draw about?
Damian: Everything. Anything. My thoughts. My insights into the human condition.
Jon: Wow! Really? Do you mind if I —
Damian: If it will keep you quiet, please do.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Not how you treat your guests, but okay.
Tim: *sobbing on the couch*
Damian: *pushes Tim, forcing him to scoot over, and grabs the remote*
Tim: I’m sorry, is the fact that my life’s falling apart interfering with your TV show?
Damian: *tunes in to Animal Planet*
Damian: *munching on popcorn* It is.
Boys who develop a love for puns early in life are preparing for a parental life filled with dad jokes.
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