Bruce: Jason, I can forgive the smoking, but I can’t forgive the lie.
Alfred: *glares at Bruce*
Bruce: Or the smoking.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Alfred raised you both right.
Author: chocoh0lic0201
Planning a surprise birthday party for your youngest (kiddie-party-deprived) brother be like…
Dick: Um, Jason’s not much of a clown fan…
Duke: Has he ever seen a good one?
Jason: *from three rooms away* HAS ANYONE???
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Duke, sweetie, it’s a, um… *clears throat* sensitive topic.
A “cook-in” at your best friend’s apartment be like…
Wally: I got the steak from the freezer. *slams a package onto the kitchen counter*
Dick: Why do you have chocolate on your face?
Wally: It was under a chocolate pie.
Dick: So you ate your way through it?
Wally: I made a judgment call. You weren’t there.
Seeing your adoptive father again after “choosing to follow a different path in life” be like…
Batman: Why so long?
Nightwing: I know! It’s weird! It’s been such a long time since we last talked –
Batman: I meant your hair.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
We asked him the same thing.
Nightwing: I’m going to hug you.
Batman: Thank you for the warning.
Alfred: The more kids the merrier.
Bruce: Be careful what you say, Alfred. You might give me ideas.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Hanging out at your older brother’s Blüdhaven apartment be like…
Dick: *rummaging through his refrigerator for something to serve for lunch*
Dick: I bet this was delicious once.
Jason: Dickie, please don’t eat that.
Bat-
stache
From Mad Magazine No. 7
On sale 4/16
Art by Kerry Callen
Inviting your family to you and your best friend’s safe house-warming party be like…
Jason [to the Batfamily]: If you want to get us a gift, we’re registered at Linens ‘n’ Things.
Roy [to Team Arrow]: We have plenty of linens. We only want the things.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 