Hey Hood, sorry for impersonating you the other day. But my replica of your suit (and the Ak) suit both work to keep people off and I need groceries. But wanted to say your the best and I will gladly fight your siblings but your the best and don’t forget you got fans backing you if anyone gives you shit in these trying times. Also Alfred’s the best cook ever

Red Hood: First off… Yeah, yeah. Tim showed me the CCTV footage. He said you weren’t that irritating so he knew you weren’t me. That suit is dope, though. Took a few notes for my own. *sprays his glove with sanitizer then fist-bumps @thepoolofthedead *

Red Hood: But, um… I’m all for breaking rules and everything, but that’s… I’m immune to most kinds of… The Lazarus Pit was… I mean, you know… *stares at his boots, sheepish*

Red Hood: I tell you what. You stay at home and I send you a week’s supply of Alfred’s goodies. Maybe I send one of my brothers once in a while to check on you, too. Then you can pick a fight with them from six feet away. Deal?

In honor of Quarantine it means I can walk out wearing whatever I want long as no one can see skin, so I’m going to the store in a full Red Hood costume.

Me [to @thepoolofthedead]: You know, that’s a, um, really convincing outfit. You sure this is a good idea? I mean we are in Gotham and –

thepoolofthedead: *shrugs*

Me: Let’s just, er, keep a low profile, maybe?

Roller skates: *slowing down to a stop in front of us*

Harley Quinn: *squeals from behind her sparkly face mask and holds out grabby hands* If it isn’t my precious Baby J! Okay, NOT to be mistaken for Mistah J, who freakin’ dumped me again! I mean, he just beat me to it! It was my turn – myyyyy turn – to dump his pale butt! *scoffs* Well, you know what, I don’t need him no more, no sireeeee! *pouts* But it got lonely in my apartment real fast… So, what’s a gal to do, right? Figured I’d roll around the streets for a while, find a pal or two… All my buddies refuse to get outta their “lairs” or whatever. Boo hoo! And I was, like, but aren’t we all doctors or somethin’? *lights up* In summary, how great is this? Who’s ya friend? Wanna hang out?

Batmobile: *screeches to a halt in front of us*

Batman [to us]: *rolls window on driver’s side down* Get in. Now.

Nightwing: *on the passenger side* Come on, guys, we’re on a tight schedule. Hey, Harley!

Harley Quinn: *cheerfully* Hey there, handsome!

Robin: *in the backseat, opens the door* Now. We still have to pass by for Drake. It’s gonna take a while to wake him up.

Batman: *narrows his eyes and clears his throat* Harleen.

Harley Quinn: Wha– *throws her hands up in exasperation, pouts, and moves a few inches away from thepoolofthedead* Ya happy now, Bats? Or do ya need to get a measuring stick to make sure I’m six feet away from ya kid?

Batman: Hrn. I told you, until that vaccine comes out of Wayne Enterprises R&D, I don’t want you near my children. Who knows what you’ve been touching.

Harley Quinn: *grins suggestively* Well, you do.

Batman: *grunts* Go home. And stay there. *proceeds to roll window up*

Harley Quinn: In case you haven’t noticed, Bats, I’m immune to most types of – *voice gets drowned out*

Batman: *tosses a Wayne Tech-grade disinfectant at us and activates the Batmobile’s air sterilization system*

Nightwing: *dialing Tim’s number* Alfred is gonna be pissssed. I already got, like, four missed calls. We’re gonna get schooled. Over Dinner. Again.

Robin: *narrows eyes at thepoolofthedead* New perfume, Todd?

Me [to thepoolofthedead]: *whispering* So, uh, should you tell ‘em or should I?

~ ~ ~ 1 hour later ~ ~ ~

Red Hood: *revving up his motorcycle and on the Comm Link* On the way, Alf! Just had to pick up some surgical masks from this supplier I know and drop it off at the Gotham Children’s Hospi– What do you mean I just ate?

thepoolofthedead:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

hoshihime04:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

chi-townbatgirl:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

charismatic-hothead:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

nanna-the-batmum:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

rosevered:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

dc-comics-gal:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…

Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.

Me: *blinks*

Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –

Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*

Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?

Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–

Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*

Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?

Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?

Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –

Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –

Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*

Me: Did I say something wrong?

Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*

Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?

Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?

Me: Well –

Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –

Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*

Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –

Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –

Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*

Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!

Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Alfred: *walks into the room*

Room: *falls silent*

Alfred: No dessert for all of you.

Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*

Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…

Me: *blinks*

Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*

The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!

Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.

Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

This is the best thing I have ever read in my life

Robin: *tying @dc-comics-gal up*

Red Robin: Brat, what in the –

Red Hood: Woah, woah, Li’l D –

Robin: *hissing* Will you two shut up? Father and Grayson might hear you!

Red Robin: What exactly are you trying to do?

Robin: *carrying @dc-comics-gal into the Batmobile* Trying to sneak them into the Manor! Obviously, Drake!

Red Hood: Well, not that I’d mind seeing the old Bat have a fit, but… why, kid?

Robin: One more question, Todd, and I swear –

Me: Hey, hey, hey! Put the Tumblr user down.

Me: Now, Damian.

Me:

Me: Okay, good.

Me: On our earth, we just say thank you.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

So, thank you!

It’s getting better and better and better 🙂 and I love it 💕

Damian: *shuts his bedroom door behind him*

Dick: Hey, Li’l D –

Dick:

Dick: Is there someone in your room?

Damian: No one! Nothing! None of your business! Now, get out of my way Grayson, I need to find Pennyworth! *rushes past him to the kitchen*

Dick: *slowly opens the door*

Jason: *showing @rosevered some of his favorite 18th century novels* Yo, Dames, you got the tea yet? We’re out –

Dick:

Jason:

Tim: *drops the stack of Xbox games he was carrying*

Dick:

Tim: Uhhh… Damian’s guest from… *looks to @rosevered* Which Earth did you say you were from again?

Dick:

Dick: *sits down beside them on the carpeted floor and offers to shake their hand* Another one of Robin’s stow-aways, huh? Welcome to the Manor, @rosevered .

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

No matter how many times I tell the Bats that a simple thank you would do, they just won’t listen, so I hope you don’t mind!

THIS I LOVE THIS! LIKE SO MUCH :D💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙

Batman: *working a long-overdue case on the Batcomputer*

Wonder Woman: *walking around the Batcave and admiring the mementos*

Wonder Woman:

Wonder Woman: *swiftly takes out her lasso and prepares to throw it*

Batman: *grabs the lasso in time* Diana, NO!

Wonder Woman: I sense a foreign presence in your cave, Bruce, lurking right behind that monstrous creature –

@nanna-the-batmum: *steps out from behind the dinosaur and into the light*

Wonder Woman: Great Hera…

Batman: They’re… They’re, uh…

Nightwing: *drops down from the ceiling* A guest from a nearby Earth. *winks at @nanna-the-batmum*

Superman: *flies in through the waterfall and dries himself off* Another one, Bruce?

Batman: Another what, Clark?

Robin: *enters with Batcow on a leash* I wonder the same thing, Father. Eight not enough for you?

Batman: Damian, are you implying –

Superman: *extends a hand to @nanna-the-batmum* Hello, I’m Superman. Welcome to our Earth.

Wonder Woman: *does the same* And I’m Diana of Themyscira. I hope you can forgive me for our earlier introduction.

Red Hood: *pulls his motorcycle to a screeching halt* Yo, @nanna-the-batmum, you one of us? Should we start training you?

Batman: *rubs his temples in frustration* Jason, nobody is training –

Red Robin: *parks his car beside Jason’s motorcycle* We could totally just pick you up at your place. Say, 9-ish? Also, don’t mind the tracker on your collar.

Batman: Tim – Hrrnnn. *goes back to work on the Batcomputer*

Alfred: *puts a hand on @nanna-the-batmum‘s shoulder* Clearly it requires quite a bit of energy to be in this family, so might I suggest you try some of the cookies I just baked? I hear they’re delicious. *leads the way to the kitchen*

Mother of bats…..

Yes good

It’s increased exponentially since last I saw it

If you’re still running this beautiful gift of a post, Harper Row is the best and I love catwoman and red hood so much too.

Selina: Look, @charismatic-hothead darlin’, this isn’t for the faint of heart. Even Bruce wasn’t up to the challenge.

Harper: You have to be totally, a-hundred-percent sure you’re up to this.

Cullen: Yeah, @charismatic-hothead – Wait, what’re we doing again?

Harper: *playfully slaps him on the shoulder* Turning you into a man, little bro.

Jason: *rubs his hands together* Easy peasy, Batsy squeezy.

Waitress: Welcome to Batburger. You guys ready to order?

Harper: Since the moment Zombie Boy here suggested it. Five Batburger meals, please.

Harper: Giganta-d.

Cullen: *wide-eyed* Th- that’s t-two p-p-pounds e-e-each –

Jason: Actually, make that two for me.

Harper: *raises an eyebrow*

Jason: *shrugs and mouths “patrol night”, then turns to @charismatic-hothead and mouths, “You comin’?”*

Waitress: Joker-ized fries?

Jason: Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Selina: *grins* Order anything you want, kiddos. It’s all on Batman.

ahh this is so good. if you’re still doing it, I love Nightwing, he’s my fave.

Officer Grayson: *pulls over and walks towards @chi-townbatgirl‘s parked car*

Officer Grayson: Hi, I’m Officer Grayson of the

Blüdhaven Police Department. Please step out of the vehicle.

@chi-townbatgirl: *steps out of the car*

Officer Grayson: You have the right to take a break from your hectic schedule and have dinner at the Manor. Anything you do or say that’s equivalent to a “no” can and will be used against you in Alfred’s kitchen.

If you can’t afford a plane ticket to Gotham City, Bruce Wayne’ll provide it for you.

Officer Grayson: Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, care to have breakfast with me? I’ve got, like, six kinds of cereal. *grins and offers @chi-townbatgirl a blue-and-black striped hand*

Uhhhhhh i Love it 💜 can i get one with Dami and Alfred If you want to do it 💚

@hoshihime04: *trying to shift positions during a lovely nap but unable to move because of something really heavy…*

@hoshihime04: *eyelids fluttering… blinking… taking in nothing but darkness*

@hoshihime04: *tasting fur… feeling fur everywhere…*

@hoshihime04: *eyes wide open*

@hoshihime04: *hears faint voices growing louder and footsteps getting nearer*

Alfred: – absolutely unacceptable treatment of a guest, Master Damian.

Damian: But they’re totally comfortable, Pennyworth! Not to mention safe!

Alfred: *keeps on walking*

Damian: Don’t go in there! Leave them alone!

Door: *squeaking open*

Alfred: Hm.

Alfred: Will you do it or must I?

Damian: Fine. I’ll do it.

Damian: *sighs*

Damian: Titus. Alfred. Jerry. Get off the bed. Let’s go, Batcow.

Alfred: *clears throat*

Damian: You too, Goliath.

@hoshihime04:

*feeling like ten tons of fluff was lifted off their chest and gasping for air*

Damian: -Tt – *walks out of the room with a Great Dane, a cat, a turkey, a cow and a bat-dragon in tow*

Alfred: *helping

@hoshihime04

get up* At the young master’s behest, I’ve prepared crispy tofu tacos for the both of you. Now, off to the kitchen you go.

This is absolutely amazing. Where’s the love for my girls Spoiler, Black Bat and Batgirl?

Nightwing: *painting a toe on a boot-less foot with glittery purple nail polish*

Red Hood: *helmet-less and attempting to stuff his white streak into a hair curler*

Red Robin: *setting up lights and cameras (overt and covert) around the room*

Robin: *disgustedly flipping through issues of Cosmopolitan splayed on the bed*

Spoiler: *kicks the door open* Seriously, boys?

Black Bat: *drops down from the ceiling, lands soundlessly on the floor and fist-bumps her brothers*

Batgirl: *climbing in through the window and retracting her grapple-hook* And to what do we owe this invasion of our safe house?

Nightwing: *holds hands up in surrender* Ladies, we can explain –

Red Hood: *smirks* Will you Batchicks calm down?

Robin: *scowls* They can’t help it, Todd, it must be that time of the month when – *muffled*

Nightwing: *covering Damian’s mouth* Maybe don’t finish that, Li’l D.

Red Robin: Impressive security system, by the way. Bruce would be proud. You were here *checks watch* within five minutes of our arrival.

Batgirl: But we were onto you since you were five miles way, so don’t sound so surprised, Red Wonder.

Red Hood: Shouldn’t I be Red Wonder?

Spoiler: Shut up! Because we were out there kicking criminal butt and you were here all along? We needed back up!

Batgirl: No, we didn’t.

Black Bat: *giggles*

Spoiler: Oh. Right. *chuckles*

Batgirl: *clears throat and raises an eyebrow* Well?

Nightwing: So, apparently we’re on this thing called Tumblr –

Black Bat: Tumb…lr?

Red Robin: Here, Cass, I’ll show you. *projects a hologram with his watch*

Nightwing: – which is apparently a website on one of the Earths –

Red Hood: – full of stuff showcasing how handsome and bad-ass I am –

Red Robin: – and memes, Cass! You won’t believe the stuff they come up with –

Robin: -Tt- Such utter, deleterious garbage.

Red Robin: *swiftly grabs Damian’s phone from his pocket, types in the security code and opens an app* Oh, you mean like these kittens dressed in Minion outfits?

Robin: *jumping up to reach his phone* DRAKE! GIVE THAT BACK!

Nightwing: Our family’s pretty popular on it, but most of our fans talk about us guys. And one of the users, @thepoolofthedead, wanted to see more of you ladies. So, we thought –

Robin: *running after Tim* You thought, Grayson!

Nightwing: I thought maybe we could all do a video blog –

Red Robin: *running out of the room* They’re called “vlogs”, Dick!”

Red Hood: *running out of the room after Tim and Damian, filming them with his phone* Duke’s gonna dig this!

Nightwing: – vlog together. What do you say?

Batgirl:

Spoiler:

Black Bat:

Nightwing: *grins sheepishly*

Batgirl: Get out.

Nightwing: Babs, wait, wha–

Batgirl: *gently pushes Dick out of the room* Call you later, lover boy. We’ve got this.

Black Bat: *grins and waves him goodbye*

Spoiler: *kicks the door closed*

Batgirl: *puts an arm each around Steph and Cass, then pulls one of the cameras close to their faces* Hi, there,

@thepoolofthedead –