Tag: tumblr: dangerous-doodle

The question is, would any of the Batkids prank Bruce on April 1st?

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Bruce: *walks around the Manor to check on his kids*

Dick: *on his bed, cutting his toenails and admiring how shiny they are*

Jason: *in the library, arranging the books by author*

Tim: *by the pool, playing online D&D with his Young Justice teammates*

Damian: *in the backyard, doing drills with Titus*

Cass: *in the dance studio, practicing some ballet moves*

Steph: *in the kitchen, making a mess with the waffle maker*

Bruce: What are you doing he– Hn. Never mind.

Duke: *in the tennis court, playing with Luke*

Barbara: *in the Batcave, typing on her laptop*

Bruce: *whispers to her* You would tell me, wouldn’t you?

Barbara: *stops typing and raises an eyebrow at him* 

Bruce: Hn. Forget I said anything.

Alfred: *in the front parlor, knitting a Batman onesie*

Bruce: Alf– 

Alfred: *lifts a finger* IF you ask me one more time, Master Bruce, you will have no more cookies for the rest of this year. I don’t care if you cry blood murder. 

Bruce: Hn. *muttering under his breath* At least I know where your loyalty lies.

Alfred: *puts down the onesie* What was that?

Bruce: Nothing. *speed-walks away* 

Bruce: *heads to a secret room*

Bruce: *clears his throat* Brother Eye. Nothing?

Brother Eye: Good morning, Batman. Last scan was 3 minutes, 42 seconds and 5 milliseconds ago. Scanning all surveillance cameras in the Manor and in places frequented  by your children and activating advanced facial recognition now. 0 results. Scanning all forms of digital communication to and from your children’s communication devices now. 0 results. Scanning all travel –

Bruce: Stop. Hn. 

Bruce: *dials a number on his phone*

Clark [on the other end of the line, in Smallville]: *milking a cow* Yeeeello?

Bruce: I’m your best friend, right… ?

Clark: *starting to sweat* Why are you e-even a-asking me that, Bruce?

Meanwhile…

The Batkids: *communicating within the Manor by sign language and passing handwritten notes to each other, evading the surveillance cameras using their training from Batman*  

Dick: Hurry up, guys. Only a matter of time before Superman breaks.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Let’s just say that Bruce gets a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit more paranoid around this time of year. For good reason.

image

Alfred: *sighs and gestures to a pile of onesies by his rocking chair*

Alfred: *holds up a cat-shaped one, then a turkey-shaped one, then a cow-shaped one*

Alfred: And of course… *spreads a gigantic, beast-shaped one across the carpeted floor*

Alfred: The youngest Wayne insists that they be ready before winter, @rubysoleilsworld​ .

Which of the batkids can I hug without them stabbing/shooting me?that is the Question

Red Hood: *pointing a gun at Dick’s foot* I beg you, Boy Wonder, freakin’ dare me!

Nightwing: *disarms Jason with a twirl of his escrima stick* Yeah, that’s right, Boy Wonder, the original, which means I get to go first, Little Wing –

Robin: *scoffs and cuts Dick’s escrima stick in half with his sword* Too bad “first” doesn’t equal “competent”, Grayson –

Red Robin: *tackles and pins Damian to the ground with his bo staff* To be fair, Dick’s probably the most competent among all of us when to comes to this thing, but since apparently it’s a competition –

Spoiler: *caresses Tim’s face, which causes him to drop his weapon* Are you really gonna compete with me, Timmy…? Psych! *sweep-kicks Tim, causing him to fall to the ground*

@dangerous-doodle : *walks into the room*

The Robins: *hide their weapons in 0.2 seconds flat* Hey, you…!

@dangerous-doodle: …

Oracle: *facepalming in embarrasment* We talked about this.

Oracle: You know what? Fine. Cass? Duke? You can go first.

Cass and Duke: *run towards @dangerous-doodle for a hug*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~

It’s not you who you should be worrying about, @dangerous-doodle .

The question is, would any of the Batkids prank Bruce on April 1st?

Bruce: *walks around the Manor to check on his kids*

Dick: *on his bed, cutting his toenails and admiring how shiny they are*

Jason: *in the library, arranging the books by author*

Tim: *by the pool, playing online D&D with his Young Justice teammates*

Damian: *in the backyard, doing drills with Titus*

Cass: *in the dance studio, practicing some ballet moves*

Steph: *in the kitchen, making a mess with the waffle maker*

Bruce: What are you doing he– Hn. Never mind.

Duke: *in the tennis court, playing with Luke*

Barbara: *in the Batcave, typing on her laptop*

Bruce: *whispers to her* You would tell me, wouldn’t you?

Barbara: *stops typing and raises an eyebrow at him* 

Bruce: Hn. Forget I said anything.

Alfred: *in the front parlor, knitting a Batman onesie*

Bruce: Alf– 

Alfred: *lifts a finger* IF you ask me one more time, Master Bruce, you will have no more cookies for the rest of this year. I don’t care if you cry blood murder. 

Bruce: Hn. *muttering under his breath* At least I know where your loyalty lies.

Alfred: *puts down the onesie* What was that?

Bruce: Nothing. *speed-walks away* 

Bruce: *heads to a secret room*

Bruce: *clears his throat* Brother Eye. Nothing?

Brother Eye: Good morning, Batman. Last scan was 3 minutes, 42 seconds and 5 milliseconds ago. Scanning all surveillance cameras in the Manor and in places frequented  by your children and activating advanced facial recognition now. 0 results. Scanning all forms of digital communication to and from your children’s communication devices now. 0 results. Scanning all travel –

Bruce: Stop. Hn. 

Bruce: *dials a number on his phone*

Clark [on the other end of the line, in Smallville]: *milking a cow* Yeeeello?

Bruce: I’m your best friend, right… ?

Clark: *starting to sweat* Why are you e-even a-asking me that, Bruce?

Meanwhile…

The Batkids: *communicating within the Manor by sign language and passing handwritten notes to each other, evading the surveillance cameras using their training from Batman*  

Dick: Hurry up, guys. Only a matter of time before Superman breaks.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Let’s just say that Bruce gets a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit more paranoid around this time of year. For good reason.

Have you considered: April 1st in the Wayne Household. There’s only One Rule, don’t prank Alfred

Tim: *walks into the Wayne Manor library with a Bubble Boy suit on*

Jason:

Tim: Go on. Lemme have it.

Jason: *looks up from the book he’s reading* Excuse me?

Tim: I’m ready.

Jason: For… ?

Tim: *smirks* You tell me.

Jason: Ohh kay. *goes back to reading his book*

Tim: *in a singsong voice* I don’t have all day, Jay. Patrol’s gonna be crazy, you know how it is on this day. But I really wanna make the most of it this year, so I’m giving you a chance. *arms wide open* I’m heeeeere.

Jason: *shuts his book and sighs* Look, Timbo, if you’re having one of your “moments", I can –

Tim: *chuckles and points at him* Ohhh ohhh you’re good. You’re really good.

Jason: *exasperated* At what? What is this about, Tim?

Tim: Come ooon, man! *looks at the ceiling, as if expecting something to drop down from there* Don’t let me down this year, Jay. I came up with an algorithm and made a suit and everything.

Jason: You know what, you’re making me uncomfortable, so… *gets up from the couch* Imma head out.

Tim: *wobbles towards him, tripping over his suit* No, no, no, no, wait! Jay! Jason! Peter! I’m good! You can do whatever you want! Name it, I’m ready for it! Team up with the little brat if you have to – *voice gets drowned out by Jason shutting the door*

Jason: *shakes his head and dials a number on his mobile phone*

Jason: Hey. It’s me. Yeah, about that… *looks around to make sure no one’s listening*

Jason: *chuckles* He’s so sleep-deprived that he’s a day early. We might have to step up our game, though.

Damain [on the other end of the line]: -Tt-

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

In all seriousness, stay safe on the 1st, kids. Maybe Rule Number 2 is no COVID-19-related pranks, yeah? 

dangerous-doodle:

RED HOOD H O W D A R E THOU STEAL JTASON JTODD’S CARD I MET THAT GUY LIKE ONCE AND HE LOWKEY LOOKED HOMELESS. THEFTING IS A NO-NO UNLESS IT’S FROM MAJOR COPERATIONS

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Red Hood: Last time I checked, @writtenskyes , the cards I have belonged to one Jtason Jtodd. *winks*

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Attempting to buy weapons at an underground armory…

Red Hood [to store owner]: *realizing that Bruce cancelled his credit cards* Wait, fine, my credit is bad. Do you accept street cred?

Ric Grayson: Oh, he’s not homeless. *puts an arm around Jason* He’s with me, @dangerous-doodle .

Jtason Jtodd: Uh, yeah. What, uh, what he – *turns to Dick* Dude, who are you?

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Superman: *throws his hands up in exasperation* Thank you, @hillshollow !

Batman: Hn.

Superman: Just this morning, at breakfast, for crying out loud! *imitating Bruce’s voice* “Clark, pass the ketchup.” Tone. “Jordan, you seem to enjoy eating garbage.” Tone. “Diana –” Well, you did dial it down for that one.

Batman: *puffing out his chest and putting his hands on his hips* And this is necessary at all times?

Superman:

Superman: *eyes glowing red* ARGH! *walks out of the hall*

Superman: There’s just no winning with you, Bruce!

Batman:

Batman: *smirks*

hillshollow:

I imagine ‘that tone’ is Bruce’s usual voice…🤔

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When your bestfriend accuses you of unnecessarily intimidating someone…

Superman: You say I have a face.

Batman: *scoffs*

Superman: You have a tone, and it says, “I’m gonna hit somebody.”

Batman: Barry, could you –

The Flash: It wasn’t me, I swear! *runs away*

Batman: About Gotham Bay, Arthur –

Aquaman: I am not in the mood, Bruce. *swims away*

Batman:

Batman: Hrrn.

Superman: *standing next to Bruce* 😏

Batman: -Tt-

Batman: Go ahead, Clark. Fly away.

Superman: Noooope.

Batman: Ugh. *walks away*

Superman: Right, @dangerous-doodle ?

Red Robin: *crawling on the floor* Uuurrgghhhhrr…

Red Robin: *grabs hold of a metal bar* Hhhrrrnnnnhhh…

Red Robin: *struggles to hoist himself onto a chair* …aaAHhhhhhraaahh –

Robin: Pathetic.

Robin: *shuts down the Batcomputer*

Red Robin: NOOOOOOOO! *breaks down in tears*

Red Hood: *fireman-carries a sobbing Tim* It’s really for your own good, Timbo –

Nightwing: *walks into the Batcave* Everything alright?

Robin: Drake refuses to sleep!

The Signal: Something about wanting, no, needing to post… whatever, man, who knows… because something, something happiness…?

Nightwing:

Nightwing: *turns on the Batcomputer*

Nightwing: Who’s @dangerous-doodle ?

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Someone who made me real happy back, Dick.

Thank you so much, @dangerous-doodle . 😎

~ a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

dangerous-doodle:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

batmanisagatewaydrug:

tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber  

Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –

Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?

Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*

Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –

Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?

Batman: Hrrrn.

Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.

Red Robin: *wakes up with a jolt* Huh, what, where am I? Who are you?!

Driver: Sir, I’m your driver and you’re in an Uber that you booked…?

Red Robin: Oh. *relaxes into his seat, staining it further with the blood dripping from his suit*

Driver: *eyeing him through the rear view mirror* Costume party, huh?

Red Robin: *thinking about how patrol went and chuckling* Clowns, shrinks, hyenas… You name it.

Driver: Sounds wild.

Red Robin: *yawning* Yuppp yup yup.

Driver: Also, I just want to make sure, because it says here on the map that I’m supposed to drop you at *zooms the location in* a garbage dumpsite…?

Red Robin: Yeah, don’t worry about. *shuts his eyes and goes back to sleep*

At Gotham Academy…

Damian: *glares at the driver through the rear view mirror*

Driver: *shifts uncomfortably in his seat*

Damian: You’re not Pennyworth.

Driver: Uh, excuse me, Sir?

Damian: *narrows his eyes and whispers in his ear* He told me he’d pick me up. So why. Aren’t you. Pennyworth.

Driver: I don’t, uh, I’m not – Sir, I just – *shaking, sweating, and about to hit the call button after dialling “911”*

Damian: That won’t be necessary.

Damian: *gets out of the car and dials a number*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ •~

Alfred [on the phone]: *chopping vegetables* Master Damian, I understand you’re upset, but it’s time you learned other means of transpor– Oh, oh, dear. I apologize, my dear boy. No, you were not being abandoned, I just thought– Shh, shhh. No more crying. I’m on my way. [*click*]

Red Hood: *takes off his helmet, adjusts his domino mask, and lights up a cigarette*

Driver: Sir, that’s not –

Red Hood: *blows smoke out of a window and offers him a stick* Want one?

Driver: No, it’s, it’s fine. *gulps* Thank you.

Red Hood: You seen any penguins lately?

Driver: Penguins… Like, the ones at the zoo?

Red Hood: No. Suspicious ones.

Driver: I, um… don’t think so.

Red Hood: *puts his cigarette out and flicks it into a garbage bin they pass* Just drop me off at that bar right there.

Driver: Are you sure? Because it says on the map that we’re still half a mile away from The Daily Planet –

Red Hood: *reloading a gun and muttering to himself while looking intensely out the of the window* There you are, you piece of filth. Hiding out in Metropolis like the coward that you are –

Driver: *gulps as he eyes him through the rear view mirror*

Red Hood: *hands a hundred dollar bill to the driver, then pats him on the shoulder* Thanks, man.

Driver: *gets a jolt as he hears the door slam shut* You’re welcome, Sir… Rason Rodd.

RASON RODD

He does that every time, doesn’t he?

Hason Hodd

Mason Modd

Tason Jodd

Kason Kodd

Cason Codd

Lason Lodd

Chason Chodd

Hgnrnrnnnnnnnn

Jtason Jtodd: *lighting a cigarette* Who the heck’re those?