The Robins as…

 CORPORATE EMPLOYEES

Dick

• Human Resources Head
• Requires all employees to regularly attend team building/group therapy sessions, many of which he himself leads (though most don’t feel “obligated” to because they actually like him and his programs)
• Spends majority of his time at work mediating between his brothers, honestly

Jason

• Chief Security Officer
• One of the main reasons the entire company can sleep soundly at night
• He’s thought of everything – from shatterproof glass windows to extensive financial protection strategies to protocols to take down shady bystanders dressed as clowns to –

Tim

• Chief Executive Officer
• Deserves an award for putting up with a certain member of the Board of Directors, who he reports to
• Would rather stay cooped up in his office, working overtime, than travel abroad or go golfing with other executives (and his personal assistant  deserves an award for the daily number of “coffee runs” done in his behalf)

Damian

• member of the Board of Directors (alongside Bruce, who, in spite of constantly having to deal with headaches caused by arguing with his youngest son, cannot deny the teenager’s business acumen)
• “You were saying?”, he says as he glowers at another member who’s clearly perturbed by the cow standing beside him at the head of the conference table 

The Robins as…

DANCE INSTRUCTORS

Dick

• A lot of different styles, but mostly contempo or jazz
• Daily outfits range from booty shorts to harem pants
• Mind-blowing fluidity (and that he’s so easy to look at and utterly approachable is just the cherry on top)

Jason

• Capoeira (or any style that’s close to a martial art)
• Free sessions especially held for street kids (with Batburger meals on his tab if they choose to hang out afterwards)
• Encourages students to embrace their individuality in self-expression

Tim

• “I said a hip hop, hippie to the hippie, the hip, hip a hop, and you don’t stop, a rock it out”
• Co-instructs with Cass, who’ll teach ballet from time to time
• Makes sure to emphasize discipline as much as he does fun

Damian

• Traditional dances from all over the world (like the Arabian Dabke) – recital-level costumes included
• Yoga as warm-up (preferrably the one that involves goats)
• “Water breaks are for the weak”

The Robins as…

GYM RATS

DICK:

• Often mistaken for the instructor. That’s understandable – He’ll help anyone who looks like they’re having a tough time.
• He’s… distracting. For obvious reasons.
• But, actually, it’s his positive energy that’ll make you keep coming back to finish the grueling regimen.
• Will sometimes come in wearing a very loud outfit that screams “80s” because he knows that it amuses some people, then backs it up with a few Flying Grayson-esque stunts. 

JASON:

• The one that other gym rats steer clear of.
• He’s basically a shadow in a dark corner of the gym pumping 200 lb of iron with one arm while smoking a cigarette with the other.
• What’s with the bright green liquid in his blood-stained water bottle?
• As “mythical” as he seems, he’s actually adorably polite to the employees. (They swear they’ve caught him wink at them.)

TIM:

• The one wearing a Bluetooth headset and a watch monitoring all his vital signs.
• Pre-installed surveillance cameras that feed information directly into his laptop, which he’s constantly checking out as he works out. 
• The other board members of Wayne Enterprises have no idea that he’s actually on the treadmill while on an online conference with them. (Pretty fit, Timmy!)
• *referring to the stuff in his water bottle* “Oh, this? It’s, um, pure liquid caffeine.”

DAMIAN:

• “Whose kid is this?” a staff member announced, right before his finger broke “inexplicably”. (It never happened again.)
• If people steer clear of Jason, they’d rather not come in at all when they know it’s this little guy’s day.
• You know that thing when the person next to you’s so condescending that he can’t help but smirk loudly and mutter “weak” every time he sees you break a sweat, but you can’t really do anything about it because he’ll growl at you (and who knows what else)? Yeah.
• Besides, it’s uncomfortable every time his cat (Pennyworth, is it?) sits on your face while you’re trying to bench-press.

The Robins as…

BABYSITTERS

(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)

Dick:

• It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
• Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
• Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
• Gentle disciplinarian.

Jason:

• Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
• Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
• Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”

Tim:

• Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
• But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
• Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
• Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).

Damian:

• Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
• Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
• Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.

The Robins as…

GROCERY SHOPPERS (sent by Alfred)

Dick:

• Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
• Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
• Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier

Jason:

• Most likely to stick to the grocery list
• But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
• Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady

Tim:

• Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
• Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)

Damian:

• Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
• Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list

The Robins as…

PET OWNERS

DICK:

• Lots of jogging at the beach, cuddles on the bed and feeding from the table
• Will leave pet with Damian in spite of… [see: Damian, 2nd item]

JASON:

• Lots of “playdates” with Bizarro’s Pup-Pup
• Has disinfectants and anti-odor sprays all over his pristine safe house

TIM:

• Lots of incidents involving accidentally pouring coffee beans into dishes or aquariums
• World’s Greatest Trainer (Them: “Did you just say that it can… solve crimes?” Him: *grins smugly*)

DAMIAN:

• Lots. Of. Pets. (We all know this.)
• Cannot be trusted to babysit due to risk of not getting one’s pet back
• Impeccable grooming and clothes that match his

The Robins as…

HOSPITAL PATIENTS:

Dick: 

• “Oh, those glass shards on my back? I get them all the time. No biggie. Hey, do you guys serve cereal?”
• The staff love checking him ou – er, checking up on him.
• Regales them with stories of past injuries, which none of them can believe are even possible (”Then how are you still alive?”)

Jason

• Fake ID (since, you know, legally dead and all)
• Wheeled into the hospital room by 5 AM, out through the window in a hospital gown and onto a waiting motorcycle by 5:15 AM  

Tim: 

• Double-checks every diagnosis and every medication and cross-references them with similar cases in the city (and occasionally schools whomever is unfortunate enough to check up on him)
• Who knows how pure liquid caffeine got injected into his IV bottle?

Damian:

• “You call this food? My father will buy this place!”
• Physical examination? You might as well put your hand inside a Tasmanian devil’s tunnel.