Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin [on the Comm Link]: You can fire us both for insubordination if you want, but we’ve got this.
Batman: *hears an explosion in the background*
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Batboys out. *click*
Red Robin: *click*
Batman:
Batman: *groans*
Tag: tim drake
Red Robin: Your book was a bomb.
Red Hood: *slams Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” shut and gets up from his seat* Who are you to criticize my life’s work?!
Red Robin: Your book was a bomb. It exploded.
Red Hood: Oh.
Red Hood: *goes back to reading*
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Way to mix your interests, Jay.
Tim: Do you know that you have a “tell” when you lie?
Jason: Oh, do I?
Tim: You answer questions with questions.
Jason: Maybe I know I have a tell and I know you know I have a tell, and maybe I’m doing it now to confuse you because you don’t know what tell I’m telling.
Tim: *stares blankly into the camera like he’s on “The Office”
Dick: I can’t believe Tim’s sleeping.
Jason: I had the Little Brat give him two Valiums.
Dick: Why? Was he in a lot of pain?
Jason: Nah. He just wouldn’t shut up.
Sharing a bedroom with your brother be like…
Jason [to Dick and Damian]: *gestures to Tim* … So he was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying.
Tim: *indignant, spilling over his coffee* Dude!
Jason: Oh, my bad. Not crying. Punching the wall all manly-and-angry-like.
Jason: So, who’d you side with, Tim or Damian?
Dick: Neither. I just pretended that I was paged by Bruce, and then when they said that they didn’t hear anything, I called them both liars and somersaulted away.
Jason: Smooth.
Red Robin: Let’s get back to work, Jay. But it’s gonna be different this time, okay? If we take a systematic approach, we can maximize our efficiency.
Red Hood: I’m streaming “Red Dawn”.
Red Robin: *pushes their case files off the desk* Wolverines!
Damian: Drake, is there anyway you can change your entire personality?
Tim: *deadpan* I can try.
Damian: Even the way you said that annoyed me.
Red Hood: Okay, let me hack into Black Mask’s files.
Red Robin: *blinks* You can hack?
Red Hood: Nah, I have a password. It just sounded cooler.
Family Patrol Night…
Nightwing: *doing some stretches* You seem kinda stressed out.
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment* Well, I haven’t pooped in six days –
Red Hood: *reloading his revolvers* Twice this evening, and I haven’t even had a smoke yet.
Robin: *polishing his sword* You really pick odd things to brag about, Todd.
Red Hood: I’m just saying, if I had to get to three by breakfast, I probably could.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 