Wayne Manor, 3 AM…
Dick: *teary-eyed, sniffling, and sneezing*
Dick: *heads to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of milk*
Dick: *pauses when he hears swift, clicking sounds*
Dick: *thinks to himself, “WTF?!”, and grabs an escrima stick from a secret compartment behind the refrigerator*
Dick: *wipes his nose with the back of his hand and prepares to pounce on the silhouette by the breakfast table*
Dick: aaaaaAAAHHH –
Tim: *swivels around, dead-eyed and on his sixty-fourth cup of coffee*
Tim: I typed your symptoms on my laptop here. And it says you could have Network Connectivity Problems.
@prison-mikes-bandana, an updated version. Haha.
Tag: tim drake
Family Patrol Night…
Batman: I will go in and do this quietly.
Red Hood: Well, if that doesn’t work, we will come in to make some noise. *cocks guns*
Nightwing: *lights up escrima sticks*
Red Robin: *twirls bo staff*
Robin: *brandishes sword*
Bonus:
Superman: *hovers and winks*
Because it’s not easy being a Speedster…
Bart: Can we stop walking in slo-mo now?
Tim: We’re walking in slo-mo?
When your older brother’s more protective than usual during patrol…
Red Robin: *shaking his head and smirking*
Red Hood: Mother Hen? Dude, I think we’re about the same age.
Red Robin: Sure, unless time is linear.
Red Hood: I’ll make your face linear!
Red Robin: *rolls his eyes* That doesn’t make any sense.
Red Hood: I’ll make your face make sense!
Interventions at the Manor…
Alfred: *wearing a mask and carrying a vacuum cleaner*
Dick: *putting on gloves*
Jason: *filling a black garbage bag with piles of… What are these, Timbo?*
Damian: *pinching his nose and looking around in pure disgust*
Tim: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can’t get rid of it.
Dick: It’s not and you have to.
Jason: Everything you own is trash.
Damian: You’re basically a hoarder, Drake.
Tim: *chugs a mug of coffee and stains his three-day-old shirt further*
Tim: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.
Introducing your older brother to the team be like…
Kon: Is your brother hitting on Kara?
Jason: *twenty feet away, getting a Kryptonian slap to the face*
Tim: Not successfully.
Playing a prank on your sleep-deprived, way-too-tired-to-care brother be like…
Tim: You mean I’ve had a toy on my desk all this time?
Jason: You mean you thought you had a real landmine on your desk?
Tim: Dick’s been looking for you all morning.
Jason: What does he want?
Tim: I don’t know, but he’s dressed strangely.
Jason: Really? How can you tell?
When you discover that an online quiz about your vigilante family has gone viral among Gothamites…
Tim: The last time I took it, I was a Batman.
Damian: What?! No, no, no, no! Take it again, Drake! Ugh, I have to go recalibrate that stupid quiz!
Sneaking into your little brother’s room while he’s away on a mission with Superboy be like…
Tim: *examining the different types of blades splayed on Damian’s bed*
Jason: *tiptoeing on the carpet and looking around the room* Maybe let’s not touch anything until we figure out if his stuff wants to kill us or not.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 