At a Wayne Foundation gala…
Tim: So how come you don’t have to get all dressed up?
Jason: I am dressed up. You see any holes in these pants?
Tag: tim drake
tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber
Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –
Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?
Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*
Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –
Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?
Batman: Hrrrn.
Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.
Red Robin: *wakes up with a jolt* Huh, what, where am I? Who are you?!
Driver: Sir, I’m your driver and you’re in an Uber that you booked…?
Red Robin: Oh. *relaxes into his seat, staining it further with the blood dripping from his suit*
Driver: *eyeing him through the rear view mirror* Costume party, huh?
Red Robin: *thinking about how patrol went and chuckling* Clowns, shrinks, hyenas… You name it.
Driver: Sounds wild.
Red Robin: *yawning* Yuppp yup yup.
Driver: Also, I just want to make sure, because it says here on the map that I’m supposed to drop you at *zooms the location in* a garbage dumpsite…?
Red Robin: Yeah, don’t worry about. *shuts his eyes and goes back to sleep*
Fighting for territory in the Batcave be like…
Red Robin: Meanwhile, you still don’t have a vehicle! *gestures to the Redbird*
Robin: Don’t try to change the subject, Drake! This is about a parking space! It has nothing to do with vehicles!
Batman: *groans*
Evenings in the Batcave…
Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*
Red Robin: *tuning up the Redbird*
Batman: Fart.
Red Robin:
Red Robin: Uh…
Red Robin: Did you say “fart”?
Batman: Yes. That’s me being rather silly.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And, to this day, no one believes Tim.
Tim: *feeling ‘er up* Ever since yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about you. I mean, I’ve known you practically the whole summer. I want you. I want you so bad.
Steph: Tim, it’s a car.
Jason: *pulls Steph aside* Let’s just leave these two kids alone.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Yup. Newly customized Redbird from Foxteca just arrived at the Manor.
If the Batboys had entrance music when they entered a battlefield…
DICK’s would be “Death of a Bachelor” by Panic! At the Disco…
JASON’s, “Heathens” by twenty one pilots…
TIM’s, “Basketcase” by Green Day…
And, DAMIAN’s, “The Imperial March” by John Williams.
Making amends…
Tim: I thought we made some progress!
Damian: I’m not hitting you. That’s progress.
Dick: …
Tim: *two black eyes and a broken arm*
Damian: *three missing teeth*
Dick: *sighs and gestures to two chairs in front of him*
Dick: Why don’t you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I’ll explain to you why you’re both wrong.
Mornings at the Batcave…
Tim: *downing a cup of espresso* Okay, we all know why we’re here, right?
Dick: *still in just boxer shorts, yawning and shaking his head*
Jason: *groans* No. Why?
Tim: To fight Damian, the bully. That tiny tween has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can’t promise you victory. I can’t promise you good times. But the one thing I do know –
Dick and Jason: *head back to the Manor*
Tim: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
Dick: Uh-oh. Damian’s gonna be mad.
Tim: Yeah, well, he’s twelve and tiny. What’s he going to do? Kick my ass?
Tim’s Brain: Again?
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