Robin [to Red Robin]: Father asked me to help you with a non-existent test… ?
Red Hood [to Nightwing]: And Bruce asked me to pal around with you for a “mission” in Ireland…
Alfred: It’s a little “Parent Trap”, young masters. Your father was trying to create some peace in the Batcave.
Tag: tim drake
Assassin androids: *closing in*
Red Hood: *feeling his empty pockets for spare ammo and finding none* Yeah, well, I have a plan.
Red Robin: Dodging bullets is not a plan!
Mission briefing…
Batman: *clears his throat loudly* So unless anybody *glares at Tim for two whole seconds* has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we’re gonna stick with: the Warthog. How about it, Tim?
Red Robin: Nope. No more suggestions.
Batman: Hn. Okay, now if you’ll all –
Red Hood: *blurting out* Are you sure? How ‘bout “Big Foot”?
Red Robin: *gritting his teeth* It’s okay.
Nightwing: *trying to stifle his laughter* “Unicorn”?
Red Robin: *gripping his bo staff tighter* No, really. I’m… I’m cool.
Robin: *smirking* “Sasquatch”?
The Signal: *elbowing Tim* “Leprechaun”?
Red Robin: *elbowing Duke back and getting really annoyed* Hey, he doesn’t need any help, guys.
Spoiler: *yelling as she enters the Batcave* “Phoenix”?
Red Robin: *sighs and rubs his face in frustration* Guys.
Batman: *grinning* Barbara, what’s the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.
Batgirl: *sarcastically looking it up on the Batcomputer* Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, Bruce.
Orphan: *drops down from the ceiling* Tim, Chupa-thingy, how ‘bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it.
Red Robin: *attempts to melt onto the Batcave floor*
Bruce: Are you kidding?! Cassandra turned out perfect! I won’t sit here and listen to you badmouthing your sister.
Tim and Damian: We’re talking about Jason.
Bruce: Oh. That guy.
When your little brother’s a tattletale who hasn’t quite gotten the hang of common expressions just yet…
Red Robin: *looking at his communicator and panicking at the sight of Batman’s face flashing on the screen*
Red Robin: Arghhh! Brat, you let the cat out of the freakin’ bag!
Robin:
Robin: Cats shouldn’t be in a bag in the first place, Drake. Bags are a terrible place for cats.
An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
#TBT with ❤
Watching Tim actually break down in tears without so much as a fight or witty retort…
Damian: *panicking* Normally I mean to be insensitive, but I didn’t actually mean it this time!
Bruce Wayne/Dick Grayson/Tim Drake: You can’t punish yourself forever – *camera pans to him pointing at his own reflection on the mirror* That’s my job.
Red Hood: I guess I am a criminal…
Red Robin: Bruce didn’t call you a criminal, he called you a little boy in need of love.
Red Hood: A LITTLE BOY?! *punches the wall* I’ll show him what this “little boy” can do!
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 