Movie Night at the Manor…
Now Showing: “Under the Red Hood” (2010)
Tim: … Are you crying?
Jason: *wiping away his tears with his shirt collar* What are you, a robot? It’s a deeply emotional movie.
Oh, sorry, did it say “movie”? I meant family home video.
When asked what life’s been like at Wayne Manor…
Duke: *clears throat* Well, um.
Duke: *dodges a flying helmet while looking cautiously behind his shoulder at a blur of blue, red, yellow, and green uniforms*
Duke: I only understand about twenty percent of what goes on around here.
Mar’i: *cradling a dead bird and sobbing*
Jason: I’ve been through this before, Sweetheart. When your Uncle Damian was fourteen, I was supposed to take care of his parakeet. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
Mar’i: DAAAADDDDYYY!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Dick (reluctantly) reconsiders caffeine-addicted Uncle Tim for babysitting.
Family Patrol Night…
Red Hood: *lies down on the rooftop and tucks his arms under his head* Tonight is the maginificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Nightwing: *grins* It’s where the Planet Geek passes through the Nerdy Way.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
See, Tim wasn’t the original Dork Wonder.
Things not to say when a ten-year-old assassin’s pissed off and ranting about Red Robin…
Nightwing: You’re so cute with your angry little fists! I just want to put you in my suit pocket!
Dick: Listen to me, Damian. Your whole life has led to this moment.
Dick: All the training, the hours of dedication…
Dick: There’s not a soul alive that can touch you…
Dick: … when it comes to Laser Tag. And, Li’l Bro, you know it. *pats Damian’s armor* Look at me. Be you!
—
And that is how Dick and Damian beat the crap out of Jason and Tim.
And why you never underestimate Dick’s pep talks or Damian’s loyalty to him.
Dick: Listen to me, Damian. Your whole life has led to this moment.
Dick: All the training, the hours of dedication…
Dick: There’s not a soul alive that can touch you…
Dick: … when it comes to Laser Tag. And, Li’l Bro, you know it. *pats Damian’s armor* Look at me. Be you!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
And that is how Dick and Damian impossibly beat the crap out of Jason and Tim.
Red Robin: Jason, that was a Stop sign!
Red Hood: I’ll stop twice on the way back.
The rogues are getting away, Timmy. We’ll deal with traffic rules later.
Mornings at the Manor (and Alfred’s on vacation)…
Tim: Jay, the frying pan is on fire!
Jason: Son of Jor-El! Everybody stay calm!
Batman: I have eight kids. I’ve been tired since 1940.
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