Flirting with Red Robin…
Steph: *wearing a sexy new Spoiler uniform* Do you like my outfit?
Tim: Not as much as I like what’s underneath it.
Steph: *blushing* Tim!
Tim: No, I need your chair. Get up.
Tag: tim drake
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *pours Damian a cup of coffee* Sugar?
Damian: Yes, ten lumps, please.
Tim: *with bloodshot eyes and shaking uncontrollably* Hey, Golden Boy, top me off!
Dick: Are you sure Alfred still lets you drink coffee, Tim?
Tim: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
And for the last time, Timothy, no.
Why certain family celebrations are avoided at Wayne Manor…
* upside-down, blurry images of a four-foot-something-tall adolescent boy pouncing on a scrawny teenage guy; a muffled mixture of screaming and hooting sounds in the background; a gruff voice angrily yelling, “Enough!” *
Duke: *tries to hold the camera steady*
Duke: Aaaaand the birthday video becomes a nature film.
When your billionaire father’s also a vigilante who doesn’t have time to ponder how much gifts for teenagers cost…
Tim: Bruce, um, can I have some money to buy Damian a birthday present?
Bruce: Here you go.
Tim: *counts the money* Bruce, this is $110!
Bruce: Oh, sorry. *hands him the whole wallet*
Nightwing: Bruce, we, um… We did something very bad.
Batman: Did you wreck the Batplane?
Red Robin: No!
Batman: Did you raise the dead?
Robin: Yes!
Batman: But the plane’s okay?
Nightwing: Uh-huh…
Batman: All right then.
Look, your father’s very tired, boys…
Meanwhile, somewhere in Nanda Parbat…
Red Hood: *covered in Lazarus Pit fluid* What the f–
Jason: Young man, since you broke Tim’s teeth, he gets to break yours.
Tim: *wipes blood off his mouth and cracks his knuckles* This is gonna be sweet.
Damian: *sneers*
In which Bruce, Alfred, and Dick never leave Jason to “babysit” his younger brothers again.
First rule of Bat Club…
Bruce: Are you kidding?! Cassandra turned out perfect! I won’t sit here and listen to you badmouthing your sister.
Tim and Damian: We’re talking about Jason.
Bruce: Oh. That guy.
Damian: Drake.
Tim: Brat. The bet ends today. Are you ready?
Damian: I was born ready.
Tim: To lose? The whole question was, “Are you ready to lose?” and you said you were born that way.
Damian: Twist my words all you want.
Tim: Okay.
Damian: I’m winning this bet.
Jason: What bet? What’re you guys talking about?
Dick: Seriously? The bet? They’ve been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doin’ all day?
Jason: Nothin’. Why, you wanna hang out?
Damian: I was sitting there, Drake!
Tim: I don’t see your name on it, Brat!
Damian: It’s right there! *points*
Alfred: Master Damian, don’t carve your name on the floor.
If Damian came to the Manor as a baby…
Dick: *sniffs*
Tim: Who’s gonna change the little brat?
Jason: We’re going to let him roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.
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