Mornings at the Manor…
Tim and Damian: *bickering at the breakfast table*
Bruce: Quiet, you two! If I hear one more word, Tim doesn’t get to drink coffee and Damian doesn’t get to go on patrol.
Tim: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Not. One. Word.
Tim and Damian: *start insulting each other by lightly tapping spoons and banging salt and pepper shakers*
Bruce: I thought I told you two to knock it off.
Tim: We didn’t say anything!
Damian: Not one word!
Bruce: Well, no Morse code either.
Trying to get your brother to hang out with you and the guys be like…
Jason: Hey, Timbo, what are you doing tonight?
Tim: Sitting alone in my room.
Jason: *disappointed* Oh, man, if you’ve got plans already –
Jason:
Damian:
Jason: Ha, ha, ha.
Damian: What’s so funny, Todd?
Jason: I was just thinking about the time Timbo got his nose caught in the toaster.
Damian: We’ll watch the tape tonight.
Hey, how about helping your brother get some sleep, boys?
Damian: Pennyworth, Drake’s making faces at me!
Tim: It’s a nervous twitch, and I’m a little sensitive about it, if you don’t mind.
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *whistling while turning on the stove and beating eggs in a bowl*
Red Robin: *comes in through the kitchen window, bruised, tattered, and dripping blood*
Red Robin: Jay! I lost Damian! What am I going to do?!
Jason: Uhhhh. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. *looks around the kitchen in panic* Know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make you an omelet.
Red Robin: Just help me look for him!
Jason: Are you sure? I make ‘em with four kinds of cheese.
When you’re curious to find out what you could’ve been had you not met Batman…
S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Here are your scientifically selected careers.
Batgirl: “Architect”. Nice.
The Signal: “Insurance salesman”. Uhhh, right.
Spoiler: “Salmon gutter”? What in the –
Robin: “Military strongman”. -Tt-
Red Robin: “Systems analyst”. *shrugs*
Nightwing: “Homemaker”?
S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Mm-hm. It’s like a mommy.
Red Hood: “Police officer”? Well, I’ll be jiggered.
If all the Robins were still in school…
Alfred: Master Damian’s grades are up a little this term, but Master Dick’s are way down.
Bruce: Hn. I always have a responsible son and an irresponsible one. Why can’t both my sons be responsible?
Alfred: You have four sons, Master Bruce.
Bruce: Alfred, Ace and Titus don’t count as my sons.
Alfred: No, Master Jason and Master Tim!
Batman, you have a gazillion kids.
Red Hood: I guess I am a criminal…
Red Robin: Bruce didn’t call you a criminal, he called you a little boy in need of love.
Red Hood: A LITTLE BOY?! *punches the wall* I’ll show him what this “little boy” can do!
On board the Batplane…
Robin: -Tt-
Robin: All I needed was this aircraft, so why is it full of you idiots?
Red Robin: *locks the plane door behind him and sends his own jet back home via autopilot* I wasn’t gonna sit around the Batcave all by myself.
Nightwing: *lands gracefully from the ceiling and onto the captain’s seat* One of us needed multi-engine time for his pilot’s license.
Red Hood: *comes out of a crate and dusts off his jacket* And one of us would go pretty much anywhere to piss off your father.
Yup, it had nothing to do with them wanting to annoy you like good, loving, older brothers do.
Dick [to Jason, Tim, and Damian]: Family. Nothing else matters.
Bruce: Dick?
Dick: It’s Bruce. Hide!
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